Giving Thanks and Having Gratitude as Another Holiday Recovery Season Begins

Giving Thanks and Having Gratitude as Another Holiday Recovery Season Begins

Happy Thanksgiving Week and Kick Off to Another Recovery Holiday Season!

Well, another holiday season is upon us already. It seems just yesterday it was summer. Time sure does fly. As you begin holiday shopping, the smells of turkey roasting, decorating, baking those yummy Christmas cookies, I hope for those maintaining recovery from gambling and all addictions take some time to reflect on how you have gotten to your beautiful recovery life today. Be “Thankful” and have a heart of “gratitude.”

You need to be mindful of where we came from and how far you have come and have worked to positively move forward in life. It is essential to do so, especially at Holiday time, as you walk farther away from your past within addiction. I thought I’d share a little of my “Holiday” article I wrote for my gambling recovery column QUIT 2 WIN over at “Keys To Recovery” newspaper.

So why do we need to reflect as we move farther away from our past “wreckage and damages” from our addictions?

It gives us a sense of accomplishment and gratitude as we become thankful for all the work and “change” we have put forth to get where we are today maintaining our recovery path. We also need to be mindful of those who “don’t have what we have” when it comes to recovery.

Many do still have struggles around the holidays and why I will be recovery blogging and being close to my phone and email through the holidays for my 6th year now. I do this to be of recovery service to those who are new to recovery and may have a tougher time through the holiday season. I started this recovery tradition right after my book, ‘Addicted to Dimes’ released in late November of 2012, and decided I would do it every year.

I knew how hard it was around the holidays when I was still deep within my gambling addiction, and when I first started recovery. We have feelings of desperation due to no money for gift giving, decorating the home and even holiday meals. I still remember walking up and down the store isles wishing I could buy this or buy that and feeling sad and mad at myself because it was all my fault, my gambling was why I couldn’t.

.

mail (3).jpg

.

Anger, stress, and holiday chaos can be triggers, so as I’d leave the store and gamble a few hours to help me feel better hopefully. But it didn’t because I was desperate! Even in recovery, the holiday season can be filled with many opportunities to gamble with the people around them, which may threaten their gambling addiction recovery.  So be mindful through the holiday season.

Know Yourself – Remember what caused you to gamble before, and make sure your behaviors and habits do not change during the holiday season and trigger gambling impulses. You may also need to monitor your alcohol intake, turning down vacation day trips to casinos with friends, and making sure no extra vacation time causes you any feelings of boredom or loneliness. Use the tools and skills learned! Have a wonderful sober, clean, and bet free Recovery Holiday Season …

 

.

Image result for free images of Jesus is the reason of season

.

I am also sharing below a little “Faith” from Harvest Church of Pastor, Greg Laurie. Because as we enter the Holiday Season,  it is many times with stress and worries. I work my own recovery through faith as I would not be on this earth otherwise. I’m just not too loud about it! Lol.

When your life is pulled back from “A Power Greater Than Ourselves” from suicide not once, but twice? You know that IS a miracle of GOD. So turn those worries and the stress of the holidays into PRAYERS.

,

Turn Your Worries into Prayers

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God.

—Philippians 4:6

There are so many things today that can cause us to worry. There are the worries of
the world. There are the worries in our own country, including the threat of terrorism and the threat of North Korea. Then there are personal worries, such as health worries and family worries.

It seems as though worries are always there, always closing in on us. But worry isn’t productive. In fact, it’s a failure to trust God. The word worry comes from an Old English term that means “strangle” or “choke.” That is what worry does. It chokes us. Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow; it empties today of its strength.

Modern medical research has proven that worry breaks down our resistance to disease. It actually diseases the nervous system and, more specifically, the digestive organs and the heart. In fact, 79 to 90 percent of all visits to primary care physicians are stress related.

Philippians tells us, “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus” (4:6–7).

We need to turn our worries into prayer. That requires developing a conditioned reflex. We all have natural reflexes, like when we touch something hot and immediately pull back. Then there’s a conditioned reflex, something that becomes natural after we’ve done it so many times. For instance, standing during the national anthem or placing your hand over your heart during the Pledge of Allegiance is a conditioned reflex.

We can’t control our universe, as hard as we may try, but we certainly can pray about it. The next time you’re tempted to worry, pray instead. Turn your worries into prayers.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING and Celebrate Recovery Through The Christmas Season and Beyond Recovery Friends!  ~Advocate/Author, Catherine Lyon 

Dig Deeper:

Today’s Radio Program
“Hurried, Worried, Buried (How to Overcome Fear, Worry & Anxiety)–1”

This Week’s TV Program
“The Danger of the Compromised Life”

 

 

Advertisements

Special Featured Guest Article by Author, Dr. Jane Galloway~The 12-Steps Work!

Special Featured Guest Article by Author, Dr. Jane Galloway~The 12-Steps Work!

A Door That is Open to All-The 12-Steps As Spiritual Path.

by Dr. Jane S. GallowayAuthor of “The Gateways- the Wisdom of 12-Step Spirituality- Dynamic Practices That Work”  

“Your Bottom – It’s Not the End, It’s the Beginning”  ~Rev. Dr. Jane Galloway

Product Details

It seems that almost everyone who has a deep spiritual conversion through the 12-Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, at one time or another says, “I wish everyone could have the spiritual experience of this universal spiritual path!”

More than a few have tried to translate their excitement into books or articles too.   I don’t know how many who aren’t already on the 12-Step journey ever read these things, but I never have, and I have been on that path for a long time.

My interest is in how people thrive, not in the study of illness.
Working for years with young children, I studied the ground- breaking work of Jean Piaget on the four cognitive stages of child development, so it makes sense that I understand the work of 12-Step recovery through a developmental lens.  The Steps do, after all, provide a template for growing up, albeit as adults.

It is true that many who find themselves in treatment for addiction have missed some crucial stages of foundational growth along the lifespan, often accompanied by trauma. The Steps begin with an admission of powerlessness over whatever source we have chosen as artificial fuel. Step 2 introduces a Higher Power to the conversation.

It is also true that the working of these Steps is designed to connect us to a lifelong, integrated connection to both a solid foundation and “god as we understand god.”… The 12th Step actually presumes that an awakening is the sole result of this process, and begins with “Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps…”
And they work. The Steps…they work. And that makes them pragmatic, practical and qualifies them as a path that deserves some deeper inquiry.

 
Over the years of my own recovery, I doodled brightly colored grids comparing the 12-Steps, the 7 Chakras, Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, The Kabbalah Sephirot (Tree of Life), Chinese Meridians and the basic teachings of the Jesus Path from the Nagg Hammadi Scrolls book of Thomas. Something was at work there and knew I would get around to figuring it out one day, but in the meantime, I doodled ladders.

.

Image result for Tree Of Life(Kabbalah)

.

Believe it or not, as a former agnostic who was really, really mad at God, after I got sober I actually left a rather successful acting career to formally pursue both the study of religions, and ordination as a minister, and to look at AA, William James, and American Pragmatism as “The Growth of a 20th Century Pluralistic Spiritual Movement”.

At the same time, I studied and worked in the Human Services, The humanistic psychologies of Maslow and Carl Rogers, and found some links between both of the above areas in the Human Potential Movement and Positive Psychology movements in Post WW ll America. But it wasn’t until a member of a spiritual community I led in New York City cornered me and said that while I was great at teaching a lot of things, they wanted to know what worked for me.

And my instant answer, after many moons of study, practice, attending seminary and 12-Step meetings, chanting circles, having my aura drawn and doodling ladders, was immediate. “Oh, that’s easy. It’s the 12-Steps, and all of this other holistic psycho-spiritual stuff I have done along with them.” And then she said, “Write that.” So I did.

The Gateways- the Wisdom of 12-Step Spirituality /Dynamic Practices That Work (Sacred Stories Publishing Sept. 2016) includes all of those brightly colored ladders, plus a lot more. In describing my work as “a development model,” I have consistently met with a sort of puzzled silence from both recovering people and spiritual folks. So I finally began to get at the core of the thing.

The following, describing developmental psychology (from the website of the American Psychological Association) says what the 12-Steps do, minus the spirituality: “Developmental psychologists study human growth and development over the lifespan, including physical, cognitive, social, intellectual, perceptual, personality and emotional growth. “ apa.org  American Psychological Association Science in Action.

In “The Gateways”, I prioritize the spiritual, go into the basic essence of each Step, then create a technicolor system of practices and possibilities for exploring a lifelong path of deepening, growth, and expansion along spiritual lines using the 12-Steps.  Along with that is some history and a couple of personal stories to show how this has all worked in my life, a juicy Resources section, a Bento-Box of Mind/Body/Spirit tools and a suggested 12-week program for leading a spiritual growth group using the method.

https___www.janegalloway.com(3)
The actual book is gorgeous, and the psycho-spiritual, holistic, hands-on work in it creates a resource for all of those people who may or may not be on a 12-Step path per say, or may not be addicted to anything, but desire to go back and build a strong spiritual foundation for a life that works.

And the book is so pretty you could eat it. Truly. But don’t. Use it! And enjoy.

It is my hope that the resource I have created in this work is a practical companion for the beautiful channeled wisdom of the AA founders when they described the spiritual path of the 12-Steps in Chapter 4 of the book Alcoholics Anonymous, We Agnostics:

“To us, the Realm of Spirit is broad, roomy, all inclusive, never exclusive or forbidding to those who earnestly seek. It is open we believe, to all.”

 

_________________________________________________

Please visit my website at Jane Galloway.com
Let’s Connect on Social Media:

Twitter
Facebook
Goodreads

 

“Wishing All My Blog, Recovery, and Reader Friends A Very Merry & Blessed Christmas Weekend!” XOXO ~ CAT

Hello and Thank You All Who Visit This Merry Christmas Weekend !!

.
cropped-anotherholidayseasoninrecovery_nlh-900x579.jpg.

A Personal Note this Christmas from my Heart to Your’s .  .   .   .

With another Christmas Eve and Day upon us, let me reflect on The Many Blessings from this Year!

I sure have been very blessed and grateful to have shared my OWN Recovery Journey with you all year long, to share and bring HOPE,  JOY, and some Serenity to all of you. I want ALL to know what “Long-Term Recovery” can bring you when you decide to reclaim your LIFE back from not ONLY Gambling Addiction but from all addictions. Apply what you learn from doing the inner work as you also learn to rely on all your “Skills & Tools” in that recovery tool box you have.

We begin a quest of love, to learn to learn ourselves so we can pass that love on to those who still suffer and struggle from “the cycle” of addiction. I share my heart to hopefully show others that the “Triggers and Urges” will subside, that you will learn to FEEL again, and most importantly? You CAN gain a life of much “Peace and Serenity” .  .  .  .  .

So I wish you all a Very Merry Christmas and a Clean, Sober, and Gamble Free Holidays!

santa

.

asoberholidaymiracle_nlh-456x300

.

catherine-townsend-lyon

*Catherine Townsend-Lyon ~ *CaT*

Celebrate Recovery! My Girls Are At It Again With A New Guest Recovery Article By: Author Alyssa Craig.

Hello and Welcome Recovery Friends,

 

I hope your 4th of July weekend was FABULOUS! Mine was pretty quite. But my recovery girls Rachel and Alyssa were at it again with another helpful Recovery Article Share for all of us. I feel it is important to have many insights and views about recovery. So I enjoy sharing many other authors views and articles here. Today Alyssa is Celebrating Recovery with us in this new Guest Post.
.

Celebrating Addiction Recovery Victories in Healthy Ways
Author: Alyssa Craig

Multi Generation Family Enjoying Meal In Garden Together

Multi Generation Family Enjoying Meal In Garden Together

 

Why Celebrate?
As humans, we celebrate milestones and accomplishments often, from birthdays to graduations. But why do we do it and how does it fit into addiction recovery? Develop an Attitude of Gratitude: Celebrations give us a chance to express gratitude for the things that are going well in life.

Appreciation: By giving appreciation and attention to our accomplishments, we can more deeply enjoy what we have achieved.

Honor Life: This is a concept that often takes a backseat during addiction. Remember to value life itself.

Recognition: Addiction recovery is difficult. Celebrations allow us and our loved ones to acknowledge our accomplishments and milestones.

Thank Support: Celebrations draw family and friends together for a happy purpose and when it comes to addiction recovery, it allows us to also celebrate having a solid support system.

Positivity: By giving focus to milestones, it helps to reinforce positive behavior and a positive attitude.

Self-Assessment: Milestones give us an opportunity for honest self-assessment. It gives us a chance to see how far we have come.

female hands with pen writing on notebook

Which Addiction Milestones Should Be Celebrated?
What may be a difficulty for one person may not be for another, so you will have to determine for yourself what constitutes a need for celebration. As a general guideline be sure to include the following in your celebrations:

  • A Day/Week/Month/Year of Sobriety: It is up to you how often you will celebrate, but these are easy milestones to select from. The one month milestone in particular is important as this is when withdrawal symptoms are worst. After the first month, cravings subside and addiction related physical changes improve significantly which can be a great psychological boost.

  • Returning to School or Work: Getting a new job or returning your focus to your education is a big deal, as these areas probably took a hit during your addiction.

  • Sustaining a Healthy Relationship: Family, friendships, and romantic relationships tend to suffer when a person is suffering from an addiction. If you have repaired or sustained a relationship that would not have previously been possible, that is worth celebrating.

    More Ways To Celebrate:
    Once you are ready to celebrate, you may want some suggestions. Here are some ways you can acknowledge the hard work you have done, the things you have overcome, all without a fear of relapse.

    Express Gratitude Daily: Celebrate each day with a dose of expression of gratitude. This might be a mental list, an entry in a gratitude journal, or writing a note of thanks to someone who has helped you.

    Clean, Sober & Gamble Free Party: One fear of a party is the presence of alcohol or drugs, but by planning your own party, you can control this. You will find your friends and family to be supportive and you will have a great time. Find great ways to replace old party habits with suggestions such as the ones listed here.

    Athletic Event: If you have worked on improving your physical health, this might be a great time to participate in an athletic event as a celebration of your stronger, healthier body and well-balanced recovery.

    Volunteering: Paying it forward is always a great way to celebrate your victories. Look for ways to help in your community or even with an addiction recovery program near you. It is likely someone could benefit from your knowledge of obstacles you have faced in recovery.

    Take a real Vacation: Travel is a great way to broaden your horizons, experience a new culture and get away from it all. Set a goal for yourself in your recovery and once you have reached it, reward yourself with a dream vacation.

    Treat Yourself: Practice self-love by creating a rewards system for different types of milestones. Think of what you would like to achieve and what you will get at each level. New outfits, a gadget you’ve been wanting, signing up for a class to learn a new hobby, or indulging in a little treat are all great ways to celebrate your efforts.
    .

Addiction recovery is a difficult, ongoing challenge and you deserve to celebrate your achievements and successes. Not only will it help reinforce a positive attitude and perspective, but you may also find a way to serve those around you, helping to build others up as you continue to progress.

Courtesy of Author, Alyssa Craig 🙂

*My 2 Special Recovery Weekend Spotlights~Meet Phil and Paul*

I WANT YOU TO MEET TWO SPECIAL GUY’S THAT I LUV & ENJOY WHAT THEY BOTH SHARE ABOUT ADDICTION AND RECOVERY!!~~Many of us can learn a lot by reading their personal stories……

First will here from my Pal *Phil* who like me has struggled with Gambling Addiction, and he writes about it SO insightfully. Here is a sample of his latest Blog Post from his blog at:

My Poker Diary – a day in the life of a Poker Gambling Addict. The harmful effects of a gambling addiction that causes physiological and psychological dependencies as well as spiritual deficiencies. My blog is a personal reflection and analysis of both my good days and bad days, as I try to stop and recover from my three-year online and live poker gambling addiction. To responsibly gamble, is to not gamble at all.

Saturday, 21 July 2012

How do I stop my husband from gambling?

I am a compulsive gambler. I love my partner dearly, yet if I choose to gamble, there is nothing in this world that could be said or done to stop me from gambling. So when I hear people ask, “How do I stop my boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife etc. from gambling?” the answer is not what they were hoping for because there is nothing they can do to stop their loved one from gambling, only the addict can change; only the gambler can choose not to lay down another bet.

However, for an addict that choice is never as straight forward as  non-addict imagines. A person with an addiction has to fight the addiction constantly in order to try to break free.
Never give a gambler an ultimatum i.e. “Stop gambling or I am going to leave you!” It will never work out, and in the process your heart will be torn to shreds. Never believe a gambling addict’s commitment to stop gambling, because the odds, like at the casino are stacked heavily against them; that doesn’t mean to say they cannot stop gambling, but change requires effort and as creatures of habit people often become accustomed to ritualistic behaviour, which compounds the problem of an addiction. Many a time I have said, “Right, that’s it! I am never going to gamble again!”, only to gamble again, months, weeks but often days later, even sometimes the very next day. You only have to read this blog for an insight into the mind of a compulsive gambler.

The problem is not the act of gambling because a free society should have the right to choose to enjoy a flutter, the problem is with the person who becomes addicted for whatever reason. Anyone regardless of background or status can become addicted and experience a downward spiral; during the slide, gambling provides the addict with far more than a loss or a win it becomes their entire worldly experience; it affects the gambler’s mood, how they feel about themselves, before during and after acting out. A compulsive gambler can lose everything because there are no limits.

If you are serious about your future relationship, my advice is to do what a gambler would never do – cut your losses and run! That is unless you unconditionally love your partner or you are co-dependent. If you are co-dependent go and seek help and resolve your issues. If you love your partner unconditionally be prepared for a roller coaster ride from great heights to ground scraping lows, albeit mainly lows.  Think especially hard if you plan on having children as life is tough enough without Daddy or Mummy being a gambling addict.

If however, you want to try and make a relationship with an addict work, start reading everything there is about addiction and understand addiction more than the addict, be prepared to begin a long arduous journey. What you will learn may help you understand what your partner is going through, help raise awareness to things that you have become addicted to in your life and also and most importantly be the support your addictive partner needs albeit they just might not know it.

Try and reach out to other people who are living with an addict in order to extend your support network so you never feel isolated, alone or helpless.
Remember and understand that a gambler does not gamble to hurt you, they gamble because they are addicted nothing more or nothing less. The problem is the person addicted to gambling and not gambling itself. People can and do recover, but I know first hand just how hard that battle is. I consider myself a strong person but the addict within is often stronger.

Here is an extract from my thoughts when my partner was trying to make me stop gambling, she gave me ultimatums, was hostile, screamed at me; did everything to try to make me see the light, but I was always a darkened room with not a glimmer of light. People don’t like being told what to do and addicts despise it. Since then my partner has learned a lot about being an addict and understands how an addict’s magical thinking can lead to degenerate thoughts as a gambler believes their efforts and acts can make a positive difference when in reality it pushes the addict further from themselves and the positivity to which they aspire.

I cannot think straight. My partner does not understand nor respect my simple request, “I need space”. Instead, she attached herself to me and follows me around in an attempt to either try to decode my behaviour or keep an eye on my addiction to preventing me from acting out. The problem is I haven’t gambled recently nor do I want to gamble, and I am proud that I have resisted such urges. However, this distrust causes great hurt.

As a compulsive gambler, I accept responsibility for my actions and I sincerely apologise for the hurt I have caused and continue to cause. I am, however, responsible for my own thoughts, actions and perceptions so I am responsible for tackling my own problem either with the help of others or by myself, should I so choose.

The problem I am experiencing is far greater than gambling as it involves another individual, which similar to gambling, is completely out of my control. Her behaviour is unacceptable as is mine to hers and so this strange push and pull dance takes place. All I really want is space, to be alone for a moment so I can clear my thoughts and I can listen to my inner myself, so I have greater clarity.

Today, it seems that no matter what I say, my thoughts, opinions and reasoning will be counter-attacked, leaving me feeling frustrated and helpless once again. I am damned if I do and damned if I don’t. It was exactly times like these when I felt I had no control over my life and then I would become lost in a world of gambling to escape how I felt. While that urge is certainly a flame burning softly in the back of my mind, I step back to feel the warmth that often overwhelms me, I acknowledge my feelings, and I try to understand what is causing me to feel so anxious in order to accept these moments; for they are sure to be there long after having gambled so to escape is futile……..

***Hello, I am Phil, British, 38 and a Compulsive Gambler. My game of choice, was poker, either live poker or online poker. I am currently writing a gambling addiction diary as I try to break free of this hell.                    **** Phil’s Blog is: http://poker-gambling-addict.blogspot.co.uk  *Diary of a Poker Addict*

***PLEASE MEET MY PAL PAUL****

Paul is a Unique fellow, and I really *ENJOY* his blog. Her is in Sobriety from Alcohol, and he has such Great Sense of Humor!! He is a little about PAUL and a sample of his awesome Recovery Blog at: http://messageinabottleblog.wordpress.com

About

I am a father, a husband, and a son. I am also a recovered alcoholic.  I am 42 yrs old and drank for 25 of those years. I have a sponsor, sponsees, a homegroup and I work the steps outlined in the book Alcoholics Anonymous.  I take my recovery seriously, but don’t take myself seriously (remember rule #62!)   Hospitals, jail cells, detox and the asylum (oops, I mean treatment center) brought me to a place of surrender and because of these 12 steps, I have been lifted to a place far better than I could have imagined in my entire life.  Carrying the message is my duty and responsibility, which is one of the reasons I started this blog.  I am not a representative of AA nor do I speak on their behalf.  I am just a garden variety alkie who expresses his opinions and experience here.  I wish you the best in your recovery!

*That’s a little about Paul, and now one of my *FRESH PICKED* blog posts of his!!!

Screw You!

Screw you!

I am not a fighter.  I don’t know the sensation of what it is like to hit another person in an angry fashion.  I don’t know how it is to knock a tooth out , or the feeling of someone’s jawbone crack underneath my knuckles.  I have never had to roundhouse kick my way out of a predicament nor have I had the experience of body slamming someone over a parking spot.  It’s just not in me.  I’m too much of a delicate flower (and coward) for that sort of donnybrook action.  I also don’t think violence solves anything – at least that is what the after school TV specials told me when I was growing up.  But other than turtling  when fists flew my way, I did had one weapon that I was able to use effectively.  I had one thing I could wield with sufficient force and precise motion.  I had one thing that no one would wrestle out of my hands or force me to lay down.  And that was my words.

According to the Oxford English Dictionary, the word “sarcasm” derives from ancient Greek for “to tear flesh, gnash the teeth, speak bitterly.” Its first definition is “a sharp, bitter, or cutting expression or remark; a bitter gibe or taunt.”  My first foray into the dark arts of sarcasm was rough – I had no real mentor or master to help me along, so I figured it out on my own.  Through inflection and body language, tone and delivery, I was able to do what they call “unplain speaking” – saying something in which I mean something entirely different.  As a raw rookie, I botched up a few times, and was a little too obvious in my attacks.  I started to see that a less obvious approach lessened the chance of the victim to know that they were being attacked.  In my twisted little way of thinking, I wanted to hurt them, but not have them know I was doing it.  How sick is that? The sharpest blades rarely hurt when they cut.  A dull knife hurts when raking against flesh.  And like honing a machete against a mill file, my tongue got sharpened on the abrasions of my anger.  I learned to cut deep while not seeming to leave a mark.  It was ninja-like stuff, and the more flesh I tore, the better I felt about myself.  There was something to this, after all.

sarcasm (1)

What made me think of all this is the Cleaning Piece I am doing right now.  It’s in keeping a check on myself that I am able to see my old patterns oh so well and alive even today, even after the work I have been doing and in the asking of the Creator to remove these kind of things from me.   You see, I was always a wordsmith, a magician of form and syntax, a stealth bomber of insights, my words all wrapped up in delicious fatty layers of sarcasm.  I was great at it.  Almost too good.  I would cut you down without leaving a mark.  I would say something that seemed like I was building you up, but really, I was tearing you down.  It came off as me being very polite and caring, and yet, I was peeling strips of skin off of you.  Raw. And all of that with a glad and earnest look on my face, my intonation high and full of mock enthusiasm.

Disservice with a smile.

I learned early on in my sobriety that sarcasm was a form of anger.  I was thrown off by that and had a hard time reconciling the emotion and the action.  I mean, I wasn’t that angry of a guy.  I’d never been in a tussle of any kind, and I was only trying to be funny when I was sarcastic, wasn’t I?  Didn’t people laugh when I would unleash my honey-coated barbs and rapier-like witticisms towards a target friend?  Didn’t I get attention and hold court through my dry-as-a-martini humour and wickedly astute observations of others?  Isn’t laughter the universal leveler – the healer of all hurts, the medicine for the terminally stuck up and gormless?  So why didn’t it feel like anger?  Why now was I looking to put away the one thing that made me feel like I had some voice, some shield, some semblance of power in a world that I felt utterly useless and helpless in?  How could I defend myself or strike out?  The idea was that I didn’t need a weapon anymore, as that I was not at war anymore – I needed to cease fighting.

sarcasm

What I have learned about myself and my old ways of thinking is that my pain and hurt and suffering germinated in how I felt others treated me.  My ego told me that I was better than everyone, and at the same time, I was less than everyone.  So in the friction of those states was the ripe, heated growing grounds for anger and resentment. And then add in all my fears I had – the dozens, if not hundreds of them, and I could really get upset and full of absolute rage.  So rage away I did, and through my passive-aggressive ways, I got part of it out.  The rest got drunk.  So now having gone through the steps of AA, helping others, trying to be the man I was created to be, and being of service, much of that anger has dissipated.  So why is it, while I observe my thoughts of negativity towards others, watching my tongue, do I still have the need to lob little bombs here and there?   Why is it that I will watch myself say something that serves no one or no thing, except my ego?  Except perhaps to bridle up against nuggets of discontent, of bubbles of disdain.  Why do I feel the need to tear down still?

Clearly I still have some work to do.

But this is not about being perfect.  This is about moving to a healthier place, of shifting perspective, of growing spiritually, of being of service to my fellow human.  I am still learning, I am still trying to foster a teachable mind.  My actions follow my thoughts and my thoughts follow my spirit.  But there are gaps in there, and my recovery is about closing those gaps, cleaning myself up and strengthening my spirit.  I try to lay down the weapon of words of  tearing others down, and pick up the instrument of building people up.  I have ceased fighting any more.

  • Posted by in Fellowship, Reflections**Copyright~~Permission by both Phil & Paul Granted to SHARE their Web Content on my Blog****I Hope you will Learn A Little from ALL our Recovery Stories….It’s what being of Recovery Services to others IS ALL ABOUT!! God Bless All!!*