Recovery Thoughts About a Little of Everything …Family, Support, and Of Course, Gambling Addiction.

Recovery Thoughts About a Little of Everything …Family, Support, and Of Course, Gambling Addiction.

 Hello Recovery Friends, Seekers, and Visitors Happy 4th of July Week!

First I want to start by saying it has been too damn HOT here. It is the worst time of year to be living in Arizona lol. And why it’s called “The Valley of The Sun.”

We will be hitting 110 today. That is even too frigging hot to sit by the pool unless you want to get a Burn Up Suntan …Lol. Maybe I would like it more if I was 25 again but at 55 and taking meds, I just can’t tolerate the the heat like I used to.

It’s why I can not wait to move back to Oregon next year on the coast. 

So, I have been having some “happy times” flashbacks lately as we get closer to the 4th of July. Have no idea why or where it’s coming from. The Fourth was always an interesting day and evening around the “Townsend Family” home as we would always have a BBQ and light fireworks. This is when I still lived at or near home in So. Cal. We would do fireworks for my nephews as they were young at the time, and the adults would act a little cray-cray right along with them! Their dad, Mike, (my brother-in-law who we lost in 1992 to cancer) was a hoot! He was crazy about fireworks! Those were the “good old days.”

But as the dysfunctional family that we were many times, alcohol abuse seemed to ramp up closer to the evening after dinner. Waiting for it to get dark, we’d let the little ones do sparklers and Mike would dazzle my mom with some spinning flower bloom fireworks. My mom got a kick at of those! One time Mike put the flowering blooms and lit a couple in my parents’ mailbox so they would fly out, spin, and they hit the ground. LOL! That didn’t work out well as it blew up the mailbox so Mike had to buy my dad a new one and help dad put up. Lol.

Yes, there were many fun times to be had through the years. Now, remember, this was way before addiction had ever touched my life. But as we had fun, the alcohol consumed by Mike, Dad, my sisters and brother, the end always seemed to end up in some sort of argument and fight as my mom didn’t drink, but she loved to chime in and piss them off by verbally making fun or yelling at them that they were a bunch of Fu_  ing idiots! Then my dad and brother would get mad at her and we’d be off RUNNING!!

.

Image result for free images families at 4th of july

.

It seemed almost all our family gatherings would end up this way. Day trips, camping trips. Sad really. No one in my family who drank alcohol had NO Control over it or when knowing when to stop drinking. This went on for many years. Today, my two sisters I feel are alcoholics, but they would say different. My oldest sister after Mike passed even racked up some DUI’S from drinking alcohol and driving. Which brings me to family, support, and fast forward to today. When my mom passed in 2003, my brother decided to open his new home and have relatives and friends come over to celebrate my mom’s life after the funeral.

And, again, early afternoon the alcohol began to flow. He had a pool, so many of us went swimming, and in the evening we hung out in the hot tub into the late evening they were still drinking. We were down to myself, my husband, my dad, brother and his wife, one sister and her hubby, and my older sister (single) and her boys now grown. Well, my sisters began to get a little rude and lippy and my brother chimed in. I and my hubby knew it was time to go, and we took my dad with us. Not till the next morning, we found out there were a few words spewed, pushing and things got a bit physical and the police were called.

Long story short, my brother and his wife divorced a few weeks later. My dad stopped talking to my brother. We just buried my mother and again our family is torn apart. This was a habit and behavior my mother carried on for years. If you didn’t do what she said or what she wanted, she would cut you out and stop talking to you. Life is to short for this and I would tell her so.

But she would just come at me verbally with things like “why do you think you are better than we are? or what makes you so special, I’m still your mother and can say whatever I want and like it.” Yes, my mom did NOT Like It when I set my boundaries. I guess I should back up a little. She knew how to get under my skin when I first began recovery.

.

Tackle Childhood Trauma 1

.

When I was a little girl born in New Jersey and lived until 6 1/2 then we moved to So. CA. My mom was a heavy-handed disciplinarian when my dad was gone overseas in Vietnam while stilling living in Jersey. Now, this is hindsight and connecting the dots and learning from the years of therapy and counseling in treatment that brought many old hurtful memories of my childhood back in order to process it, let go and forgive myself.

Growing up through the years, my mom and dad said many hurtful things to me and for some reason they lingered and just stuck inside me. When I got to my teens, I never could understand why she was like this to me. As I look back, since I was the baby of the family at the time, my daddy used called me his “little monster.” A nickname that later in adulthood hit me like a brick when my mom told me about these outbursts I’d have when I was little.

She was never like this or treated my older brother or older sister like she did me. She would say I told lies, I was an ugly tomboy, I didn’t love her or our family, I can’t be their kid and must have been switched at birth in the hospital and I can go on. I can remember times I would through tantrums I would not remember afterwards, she’d lock me in my room and I’d go crazy pulling out my drawers, clothes, pull the curtains down and then? …when it was over I would lay on the floor watching their feet walk back and forth between the space of the door and floor as they passed my locked door.

I think my mom just didn’t know what was wrong or how to control me when these came on. AND? It’s why I had agreed in 2002 with my Primary Doctor and Psychiatrist when first diagnosed with severe depression, mild bipolar and mania, anxiety after my first suicide attempt. I went undiagnosed for years until adulthood! And why I feel the way my parents raised us seemed to seep down into me so deeply.

I know this because as I grew into adulthood and finally disclosed all of what happened to me as a child when we first moved to So. Cal. I was sexually abused by not one, but two men from 8 to 11 years old. At age 30, in 1992 I was having a break down about all of it right after Mike died of cancer. That was before gambling addiction, but my first of many attempts at therapy for help. In order to begin the process of healing, as my therapist told me, “I had to disclose all to my parents, it’s time.” I told my parents and I felt abused all over again as they denied it, my mom very defensively said “I was making it up. My mom said she would have known if that was happening to me or happening in her house.”

My point in sharing all this? The good memories and the BAD? Since at this point I never got to finish my therapy with the therapist because I was embarrassed and ashamed of how my family took all of what I shared about, not only the sex abuse but also how those memories of the verbal and physical abuse by my parents hurt me as well.  It was then that more something changed with relationships with my dad, two sisters and brother became strained.

I think they all thought I was nuts or something. My mothers’ answer was, and her comments to me stayed with me and ended up giving me my “entitlement feelings” and added fuel to my gambling addiction when I later got entangled, abused alcohol, and crossed the line into addicted gambling. She told me:

“I don’t know why these things are bothering you when they don’t seem to bother my kids?”

I was speechless and kept hearing that in my head for many more years to come. Now, of course, here we are today and my all my siblings have had problems with broken marriages (my brother) drugs, alcohol, anger problems and nothing bothered her other children as I had become an addicted gambler. Today I now know most of my underlying issues and roots to why I turned to gambling addiction. Most of the above shared because I walked away from my first attempt of therapy racked with guilt and shame, I used gambling to ‘cope, numb out, hide, not feel, and get my anger out as I was enraged and destroying my life in the process.

“I wasn’t “getting back” or hurting them, I was sabotaging and hurting myself and my husband.”

.

20171208_171651(My nephew Mark Lake and his beautiful family)

.

I am happy to share that a few weeks before my mother passed away in August of 2003, I was able to call her twice a day every day until my dad moved her into nursing and rehabilitation after she became ill and off life support as she began to recoup. The family said there was no phone in her room so I could not call her anymore.

My mother and I talked about so many things before she passed. We made amends, she had apologized that she wasn’t there for me when all that was happening to me and for all of it, even my feelings around the verbal and physical abuse. She said “we were not born with a book or guide to how to raise kids.” She and my dad did their best, as she also spoke of how she was raised and learned some of it from her father.
I sure understand this still today …

Again, some points to as to why I am sharing these memories:

Many of us do have underlying pain and old haunting or issues that come from many different areas that need to be addressed. They need to be processed so we don’t use Addiction to try to cope or just try to not feel and forget. We stuff it down deep. It will at some point come back. As many are raised to know seeking out help is OK. There is nothing wrong with sharing how you feel, be it in therapy, counseling, and even in treatment, they know learning those roots and unprocessed events can help addicts be more successful maintaining recovery.

PARENTS: Be wise about how you discipline your kids. Children just want to be and need to be heard. They do want to communicate with parents without fear. I felt this way about always about the thought of talking to my own dad! You may still tell no, but please listen and talk with your kids, teens, and young adults. I feel if you don’t, if a child is being bullied, teens experimenting with drugs or alcohol, this also opens the door to what we are seeing now with too many SUICIDES.

As a trauma and child sex abuse survivor,  we have to learn it was NOT OUR FAULT that these terrible things happened to us. We need to process this and learn to forgive ourselves and begin the process of healing. We lose so much self-worth as a human being when we don’t. It could lead us to addiction, to self-medicate, and again, contemplate suicide.

For The Public: We need to come together and have more compassion and empathy for others who struggle with addictions, mental illness, and recovery. We never know one’s story. It is time to come together and learn how you can help shatter STIGMA around all the topics I shared about. Did the past pains hurt more because I had undiagnosed mental health issues which made my feelings more heightened?  Most likely. We need to help teach the public how to stop making us feel like victims filled with guilt, shame, or made to feel embarrassed or different when we disclose our feelings. Just because some are not as normal or as emotionally strong as other people, doesn’t make us different.

Well any of this sharing help stop addiction? Maybe or maybe not. But I can sure try by sharing my memories, truths, and my life story as I did in my memoir.  It is one of the ways for me to advocate and help raise awareness, help educate and hopefully to begin to shatter stigma. Thanks for taking time to read my journey and memories!

Catherine 

.

Image result for copy free images about fourth of july in sober

.

Image result for copy free images about fourth of july in sober

.

Advertisements

Welcome Recovery Guest Author Christine Hill and ‘Relationships In Recovery.’

Welcome Recovery Guest Author Christine Hill and ‘Relationships In Recovery.’

Rebuilding Family Relationships in Recovery
By Christine Hill

Addiction recovery can be a trying experience that will test a person’s willpower, but it it is also an incredibly fulfilling experience that builds us up as people. During addiction, many people have lost so much, whether it be their jobs, children, or family. Addiction thrives on the alienation that is created when these ties are severed. An important part of addiction recovery is rebuilding these bridges and regaining the connectedness that makes us whole. However, this isn’t always easy. Addiction frequently leads people to do things that hurt the people they love, and this can make it a tricky experience to build these relationships back up. However, it is certainly possible if you take the lessons of recovery seriously. Here are some tips on how to rebuild family relationships in recovery…

 

Ask for forgiveness and Amends

 

Addiction is a behavioral disease that operates by cutting you off from those who care about you. This alienation is what has allowed addiction to thrive and claim the lives of so many people in this generation. However, while addiction is a behavioral disease that is often out of an addict’s control, the actions that they take because of that addiction still hurt and affect their family, and this isn’t something that can just be simply forgotten. Just because an addict is in recovery and doing well, it doesn’t always mitigate what has happened. Always ask for forgiveness with the utmost sincerity, but don’t assume that they will always offer it, immediately.

 

Demonstrate real change
.


Rebuilding Family pic 2

.

Usually, addiction is a disease that operates in cycles. Before getting a professionals help that can assist in reaching lasting recovery, many addicts have tried to get better on their own to no avail. During this time, family members may have felt hurt by the constant push and pull of actions that were taken and promises that were broken. Because of this, it’s important to show how this time is different. Before worrying too much about repairing these relationships, focus on rebuilding yourself and making the changes that you need to make, so that you can demonstrate that this change is real and lasting.

 

Take family therapy

 

Most addiction treatment centers have a family therapy program. This is usually one of the most powerful programs that rehabs and treatment providers have to offer. Being able to speak honestly and openly with your family members, and have them speak openly and honestly to you in a setting that is devoid of judgment and mediated by a trained counselor, enables the possibility of communication that might have otherwise never happened. Talk to your family about joining you in the family therapy program, and make the most of the experiences that you have there. Here is an informative article about what to expect from family therapy.

 

Understand if they need time

 

People get hurt in the throes of addiction. That is the nature of how it operates. Pain and harm are the defaults that addiction goes back to. Because of this, some family members may need time to get over what has happened. This isn’t because they don’t love you, but because they need to protect themselves against the possibility of another heartbreak. Understand that this time is important, and focus on doing right by you. Eventually, this bridge will mend itself, and you may find that the relationship can grow even stronger than it once was.

.

Use and Abuse 3

.

 

Listen and show empathy

 

When communicating with your family members, always take the time to listen to how they feel. Trying to get out from under the hold of addiction is a confusing experience, but they are also dealing with a great deal of confusion. Sometimes, families blame themselves for another family member getting caught up in addiction. Allow them to work through these feelings. It is unproductive to only talk about yourself and your feelings without taking the time to understand how your actions have affected them. This may hurt and be a difficult process, but it is an important one, nonetheless. Family therapy is a great setting to explore this process, but it’s important to keep it up in all your interactions.

_______________________________________

About The Author:

Christine is a professional writer and an avid reader who’s passionate about storytelling in all its forms. At any given moment, she’s in the middle of at least three books on anything from human psychology to ninjas. Although she’s a marathon swimmer and enjoys camping in the mountains, she believes there’s nothing better than a carton of ice cream and a Dawson’s Creek marathon.

My Recovery New Year Featured Author, Danny Range and His New Book: “Warren’s Finest” … Amazing!

51mrjlmzbzl-_sx346_bo1204203200_

When those who recover from addiction share their story? We know it can be a powerful tool to help others who still suffer can learn no matter how down in hell you are? anyone can recover. This book by Author, Danny Range is a fine example that “IT CAN BE DONE.”


.

Product Details

 .

About The Book:

Authored by Danny Range

Haven’t heard of the man known as “Warren’s Finest,” AKA Danny Range? Born in a broken and poverty ridden city, he had infinite potential as a businessman and unlimited people skills, but an unfathomably bad alcohol and drug problem almost ended his life at age nineteen. He left the city in an attempt to find himself and start a new life, then gave in to the temptation to return to the poisonous lifestyle he was remembered for. He spent the majority of his young life giving in to every guilty pleasure imaginable, until the day he lifted his bloody face off of a cold hard floor, got clean, and went on to be his family’s first college graduate. He then dedicated his life to straying people away from diving into the destructive lifestyle that he once proclaimed himself “The King” of. He encouraged them to chase their own dreams, as sharing his experiences to change lives became his.

This is his story…

 

 

👑Danny Range👑

📝Author 👔Businessman 🙏Philanthropist My story shows the world you can overcome anything!”

My Book Review & Others:

 

5.0 out of 5 stars I Highly Suggest This One!, January 2, 2017
This review is from: Warren’s Finest (Paperback)

I was honored to receive a copy for an honest review. An AMAZING RIDE!

When those who recover from addiction share their story? We know it can be a powerful tool to help others who still suffer can learn no matter how down in hell you are? Anyone can recover. This book by Author, Danny Range is a fine example that “IT CAN BE DONE.”

All parents I feel need to read this book. Addictions of all kinds are now reaching our teens, this book is an in-depth look at addiction from all sides. Danny did an exceptional job with sharing his good, bad, and the hell we go through when in depths of addiction. And this read pulls you in for an amazing ride of thrills and mystery as he had lead a very unique life.

But? Bottomline is anyone can recovery. Thank you, Danny, for writing this book! I look for more books from in the future. Thank you for helping many with finding recovery!

 

*      *       *       *        *       *        *

 

5.0 out of 5 stars Many of these kids with no hope of good job prospect turn to drugs and their life turns …, December 21, 2016
This review is from: Warren’s Finest (Paperback)

This book demonstrated the raw emotions of a young adult growing up in an area decimated by the decline of manufacturing in our country. Many of these kids with no hope of good job prospect turn to drugs and their life turns into nothing but a struggle. Drugs are readily available in these areas, unfortunately. The author does a great job of writing about becoming addicted to drugs than going through the immense uphill climb of getting off addiction. Definitely, a great book to give to someone struggling with addiction or even a junior high school/high school student who you don’t want to see go through the struggle. Highly Suggest This Book!

*      *       *       *        *       *     *

Please Connect with The Author – Danny Range

On Twitter
On Instagram

warrensfinest “Proud to announce this is now officially the account for my book, “Warren’s Finest,” that I will self-publish sometime in 2016. The book is a story I have created based on the events of my own life and I am using this book to sacrifice my own reputation in order to show others that you can overcome anything if you put your mind to it. I went from white trash, drug using, porch monkey to the first person in his entire family to attend and graduate college, as I now live as a successful businessman in the Columbus, Ohio area and am currently clean of all drugs.”

“People that know me from who I was when I lived in Warren can and will tell you plenty about me that is mostly negative and likely deserving, but I’m here to hope you follow the changed and positive man I have become. I’m now officially taking this project seriously and chasing my dreams of being able to provide a life for my mother, brother, and future family that I never got to have. Bigs things to come from me in the next year and a half.”

Your follows are appreciated and any negativity from here on out will be blocked.
His page is strictly for positive people that understand being on a mission like I am. I believe in myself, even if most of my friends don’t and the family that know about this doesn’t. That’s all that matters. As my manuscript, which I encourage you all to ask to read, says in its final sentence, “Enjoy the ride..” #ChaseYourDreams  “His Instagram Message” ….

 

The Author, Danny Range .  .  .  .

 

Recovery Guest Author Article. I Welcome Author: Andy Andersen!

Hello and Welcome All Recovery Friends,

Well, summer is not yet over, so I wanted to share a Guest Recovery Author to gives all some helpful summertime vacation tips while you pack up the car to go traveling. This is an important part to of having a well balanced recovery life. I do myself remember back in the days when I traveled.

It seemed we couldn’t go to any destination that didn’t have a Casino near by. So happy those days are over! It is such a waste when a vacation is a bust when you have any kind of addiction. Heck, I didn’t travel for a long time because my addiction made us broke! But not anymore.

So lets read what Andy has put together for all of us to help make your travels go much smoother in Recovery!
.

Tips for Traveling While In Recovery
Author: Andy Andersen

Addiction recovery is a delicate and critical time for everyone involved. For an addict in the early stages of sobriety, traveling long distance has its pros and cons. To help you figure out if you are ready to travel, read this first. If you do plan to travel while recovering from addiction, here are a few guidelines to help ensure your sobriety and make your travels an inspired part of your post-addiction journey:

Pick Your Destination Wisely

Some travel destinations are more conducive to sobriety than others. For recovering alcoholics in particular, selecting a popular vacation spot that doesn’t revolve around alcohol can be difficult. Examine your travel plans carefully and think long and hard about where you’ll be travelling. Some locations will inevitably be safer for you than others. For example, going camping or visiting a national park may be far more suitable for an alcoholic than a city-based vacation spot where nightlife is part of the equation. Though there’s no guarantee of complete safety from your addictions, being selective about your travel location can go a long way in giving you a strong buffer.

Golf ball on course with beautiful blurry landscape on background

Golf ball on course with beautiful blurry landscape on background

Ground Your Travels in Routine

One of the most challenging things about travelling as a recovering addict is losing a sense of routine. For some, this can easily cause anxiety that leads to relapse. That’s why it’s best to take control of your travel schedule early on and make sure that you have some sort of routine to rely on every day. Even if your vacation has you constantly on the go, you can commit yourself to small daily tasks that ground your travels in routine. Have a friend or sponsor that you can call once a day at a set time to check in. Schedule your meal times strictly. Have a planning session every evening where you go over your itinerary for the next day. There’s really no end to what type of routine you can come up with, even while you’re travelling.

meditation

Seek Out Relaxing Activities

Not all vacations are relaxing ones. In fact, even the most fun-filled vacations can cause more stress than they’re worth. Be sure to seek out activities and travel spots that are relaxing to you. Over scheduling or oversaturating your travels with a lot of excitement can be too much stress too soon. Give yourself ample time each day to relax, depressurize, and find peace.

Explore New Interests That Will Help Your Recovery

One way to make travelling worth your while is to seek out new interests and hobbies that you can continue after your vacation. One of the great benefits of traveling is discovering new cultures, new ways of life, and new activities. If you discover an interesting craft, trade, or hobby during your travels, continue researching it after your vacation and utilize it as a source of comfort, power, and stress relief as you continue your recovery.

Avoid “Special Occasion” Thinking

The real danger of traveling or vacationing while in recovery is stepping out on the reality of your life back home. Temporarily forgetting the worries of your normal life while on vacation isn’t dangerous for most people, but for recovering addicts, it can lead to relapse. It can be far too easy to justify a relapse moment as a “special occasion” while travelling. Avoid this type of thinking like the plague. Execute your travels as part of your recovery instead of taking a break from it.

Rafting on the Bhote Koshi  in Nepal. The river has class 4-5 rapids.

Rafting on the Bhote Koshi in Nepal. The river has class 4-5 rapids.

Travel With People You Trust

The best way to avoid relapse while traveling is by maintaining a strong support system. Travel with loved-ones or close friends who understand where you are in your recovery and who are willing to stop at nothing to support you. Better still, bring a sponsor or a designate one of your travel companions as the watchful eye who will make sure you’re still actively engaged in your recovery.

Find Sober Communities Wherever You Are

There are support groups, 12-step meetings, and other forms of recovery communities almost everywhere. As you travel, research and find these communities and attend whatever gatherings are available to you. Not only will you meet new people who know exactly what you’re going through, but you will be turning your travel time into a bona fide addiction recovery program of your own making.

*I’d like to thank Andy for this helpful article. So recovery friends, as summer winds down, remember to have FUN and Live In The Moment!*
*Catherine*


“What Did God Want You To Be In The First Place”? Inner Thoughts Of A Recovering Addicted Gambler…

Hello Recovery Friends, Recovery Seekers, And Welcome New Visitors,
.

.

I was cleaning up my Author Facebook page when I came across this “Quote” and it got me thinking about my current published book and my recovery from Addicted Compulsive gambling, and a bit too much alcohol. It took me back to when my book first released on my 50th birthday! I felt so proud that I actually accomplished one of the biggest goals I’d had for myself. I owe it to the “Grace & Power” of God, and my own 7 years of hard work in recovery for my book  to even be a “Dream to Reality” event in my life.
.
Well, also I Thank my awesome publisher too, Steve Laible, of TKG… http://KodelEmpire.com  And yes, he is as funny as he looks! But seriously, he is a fantastic publisher, and a “Children’s Book Author” Too! Check out my Pal http://StevieTenderHeart.com If it wasn’t for him nagging me to want to publish my manuscript my friend put together for me, I wouldn’t be a published author today. I was so scared of what people might THINK of me because of all the terrible things I’d done as an addict.
.

Author - Steve Laible
Author – Steve Laible ~ Great Guy!
.
I know I blog a lot about life being difficult to move on from, especially from our addictions when we first enter recovery. I know this because I to had a hard time grasping the fact that I had become an addicted to gambling and alcohol. It’s hard when we are at our worst in our addictions to even LOOK at ourselves in the mirror, and god knows that happened a lot for me. From the woman and wife I was, having a successful banking career, working hard to have a home and beautiful family life, to this black, ugly, darkness of addiction that took such a hold on me I thought I’d never make it out alive! And I almost didn’t, Twice.  When I was in the depths of the ugliness of addicted gambling, I used to think in my head about all the “negative” shit my mom and dad used to say about me, and it seemed I made that a “Reality” all by myself…

As if I bought into all the years they said I didn’t love my family, never wanted to be around them or stay home, that I lied, or wasn’t an honest person. I really made that come true with my addiction! Even when you start recovery you have so many doubts about yourself. It takes time and a lot of hard work to learn WHO you really are. You have to retrain your brain, your diseased thinking and thoughts. I also had a hard time about 2 years into my recovery about “Feeling Stuck. I don’t know if you know what I mean? When I went to Gamblers Anonymous meetings, I’d hear others speak about feeling “Stuck” in their recovery. Not sure which way to go, or what to do next to continue to grow in our process to recover.

.

.

For myself? That’s when I had to start on Step 9. I was stuck on this step for a while. Making “Amends,” wow that was a hard job, and I’m still doing it today! Step 9 is making “Direct Amends” to such people wherever possible, as long as it doesn’t injure anyone in the process. Now that sounds easy enough, but with gambling addiction, it often means you owe money too, to someone you hurt, or never paid back. Well, most all the people I did owe, I had paid back. That is when though I learned about “Pawn Shops” and started selling stuff to get money to gamble. Also for me it was more of how I let down others. Like employers, if I stopped to gamble before work, and got on a winning streak, well, I’d call in sick and say I couldn’t make it in. Sadly, these people hired me to do a job and BE THERE to do it. So then that plays into your “Reputation & Character” of who you are. When I gambled? I was a Flake!! I even did it to my friends, and lost many good, long time friends because I couldn’t be counted on anymore. Now this may not sound like a big “DEAL” to many, but for me? That used to be WHO I WAS. People knew they could always count on “Catherine” when things needed getting done.
.

But, that all falls to the wayside when all you’re doing and thinking is “Gambling”! I was a happy, bubbly, caring, at times a comedian, a giving woman with a smile on my face, and the word “YES” was always on my lips. That all to went away when I became addicted to gambling. So like the next “Quote” above says, “You need to learn to MOVE ON” and get yourself in Recovery, when you do? You will know it was “The Best Decision” you’ll ever make. You can move on from all the damage of addiction.  Yes, it will take work but it is “Worth the Work”! The one piece of advice my sponsor gave me is this, “when you feel stuck in your recovery? It means you have MORE work to do.” And she was right. See, we get to a point where we begin to feel good about ourselves again, learn to be better than we had been as an addict. We start to feel again, as were taught how to process these different feelings of Life and past damages. So we then start to look and take stock of our life overall. That’s when you can really feel STUCK.

Then that hard work starts paying off. We begin to be comfortable with our past faults, learn to gain our self-worth again. We learn we are “Not Less Than” we are Worth More” in Recovery! It’s a time of awareness of what our HP has given us, a second chance at a beautiful life in recovery.  We learn how to live on life’s terms and learn we don’t have to run and Gamble, Drink. or Use Drugs when we run into a life road blocks. We have the skills and tools in our recovery tool box to handle anything, so use them. We do become more aware of what our HP has blessed us with. Decreased “Triggers and Urges get replaced with some “Peace & Serenity” and more comfortable in our own skin. We feel strong to start being of recovery service to others, share our testimony to help others. We learn how to handle life’s disappointments and expectations when things don’t seem to go our way. We don’t have to run to addiction anymore to “Feel Better.” Just remember you are “More Than ~ Not Less Than”….

.

.

Which brings me to the above “Recovery Quote”…
Have you yet to have that “Closure Talk” with yourself within your recovery yet? Are you today able to look at yourself in a mirror and LOVE what you see looking back at you? We need not explain ourselves to others, nor try to explain away our “Faults and Short-Comings” when we were addicts.
.
We need to be comfortable with who we are today, not who we “were.”  Yes, I’m not perfect, who is? Yes, I F _ _ KED UP, but the person you need to forgive is yourself. You won’t be any good to anyone else until then. We come to believe in a power greater than ourselves to work through all the baggage of the past, not just your addictions, but all the “Past” hurt and pain that was done upon you to be able to live in the moment, be alive again, and enjoy all the things we did before we began our so-called, “DANCE WITH THE DEVIL.”….

I really did feel that way about myself when in the throes of my addictions! Like I was just a piece of garbage no one wanted or cared about. I was treated as such growing up, so why should my adult life be any different? Well, that’s a few on the “Recovery Perks,” I call them in my own recovery. We don’t just get a better life than before we became addicts, we get an Awesome gratefulness and gratitude towards ourselves to be happy again. We are more aware of just the “Little Things” around us. Yes, it sounds corny, but it’s true! Hearing & seeing all the beautiful things God has created seem more awesome than ever in recovery!! We get “JOY” out of everything. We may have it rough when our Amends don’t seem to come out positive, but that’s OK, really it is. All we need to know is we tried, and owe ourselves our own “Closure” on a chapter of life that hopefully we learned from as part of the journey my HP had laid out for me. Always know that no matter what you do or go through, there are many “Blessings and Life Lessons” to be learned from this journey of recovery and life. So today I’m grateful for those blessings given. It has humbled my heart.
.

This is who God meant me to be. The person I am today. To reach out and “Share Recovery HOPE to others” and sponsor, and let others know that recovery from any addiction is possible. Learning to be OK with sharing this part of ourselves.
So stop being to hard on yourself in recovery! There are “NO SET RULES or TIME LIMIT” on our recovery journey. It us meant to be a life long process until we breathe our last breath. And you know what? Today? That’s OK for me. If your feeling stuck in your recovery? Re-work your steps and see for your own eyes the “Growth” you have accomplished! Besides, the only “Dancing” I do these days is Naked in the Shower!! OOPS!  Too Much Information??…LOL, LOL!

God Bless you on your Recovery Journey All,

AUTHOR, Catherine Townsend-Lyon
Author of “Addicted To Dimes”
http://www.amazon.com/dp/0984478485

“A Heart Felt Story And Important Petition I Ask You To Please Go Sign…

Welcome Recovery Friends, Seekers, and New Visitors,
One important piece of advice I was given and I learned in recovery is that we need to Help “Lift Up & Support” others in Recovery and in LIFE.
.
So when I was sent a recent email from  http://www.change.org/u/87874065/ about a story that hit me hard, I knew right away that I needed to share this story on my blog. Besides just going and “SIGNING” this IMPORTANT PETITION, the story of Keith & Mikaela not only touched my heart, but it reached deep in my SOUL…..So I’m sharing it with all my friends.

.
.

My wife Mikaela is dying of kidney cancer, but a new drug could save her life. Please sign my petition asking drug companies BMS, Merck, and Genentech to give Mikaela access to this medicine.

Author Catherine Lyon,

Mikaela was my high school sweetheart, my college girlfriend, and we got married the summer after she and I graduated from rival schools: Berkeley and Stanford. For my entire adult life, she has been my home. Two years into married life, she was diagnosed with a rare type of kidney cancer. Now Mikaela could die, and I am fighting to get access to a new drug that could give us a chance at saving her life.

Mikaela received her diagnosis last fall. After six months of treatment, we are running out of options. We found out about a new kind of breakthrough drug being tested by several pharmaceutical companies that is set to revolutionize treatment for many cancers, including kidney cancer. We’ve tried to get into many clinical trials for this drug, but because Mikaela has a very rare subtype of cancer, she’s been deemed ineligible.

But then we got new hope: an oncologist at Stanford agreed to oversee Mikaela’s care if one of the drug companies that manufactures this new drug, Bristol-Myers Squibb, Merck, or Genentech, would agree to give Mikaela access to the drug under a “compassionate use” program.

I started a petition on Change.org asking Bristol-Myers Squibb, Merck, and Genentech to give Mikaela access to the drug that could save her life. Will you click here to sign?

We’ve been trying everything we can think of to help Mikaela get access to this new drug. Then her doctors suggested we start a petition, because other patients have had success that way. In fact, just a couple of weeks ago, a 7-year-old boy in Virginia got access to a new cancer drug after his family started a petition. 

I’m not a radical person; I’m just deeply in love with Mikaela. We’re not starting this petition looking for a battle. We’re looking for allies in the battle we’re already fighting. 

Mikaela is only 25 years old. We have so much left to do in our lives. I can’t lose her knowing that there is medicine out there that could save her life if only she could access it. Medicine, mind you, that will be FDA approved and the new gold standard for kidney cancer treatment by 2015.

Please sign my petition calling on Bristol-Myers Squibb, Merck, and Genentech to give Mikaela access to the drug that could save her life.

After you sign, join our community and help us fight. We rely upon our followers to help us give Mikaela a chance.

Thank you for helping me fight for the love of my life. Mikaela and I appreciate it more than we can say.

Keith Knapp
Folsom, California

AGAIN, when I read keith’s story from Change.org , I knew I had to do something “more”  than just go sign this life saving petition! So I decided to share it all with my friends, supporters, and readers who come visit my recovery blog. I know it’s not much, but it’s the only thing I could think of to HELP.
.
So I ask all who come by and Visit My Blog today, please “Click” on the above “Sign Keith’s Petition” and JOIN ME in helping “MIKAELA” get the care and medication she needs to LIVE!! My Signature was #460,206….Lets see if all my friends who come by today CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE, and by the end of the DAY, see if we can get MIKAELA to over #500,000 Signed in Support?
.
Sign this petition
with 460,206 supporters
539,794 NEEDED
  • Petitioning Scot Ebbinghaus

This petition will be delivered to:

Executive Director, Merck ~
Scot Ebbinghaus
Chairman of the Board and CEO, Merck

Kenneth C. Frazier  ~
Senior Vice President and Head of Oncology, Merck

Dr. Gary Gilliand  ~
Vice President Oncology Clinical Research, Merck ~ Eric Rubin

 .

Give My Wife a Chance against Cancer: Please Grant Compassionate Use of MK-3475 for Mikaela Right Away!!

  1. Keith Knapp
  2. Petition by

    Keith Knapp

    Folsom, CA

 

*HAPPY EASTER ALL ~ GOD BLESS*
*AUTHOR, CATHERINE TOWNSEND-LYON*
*My Thoughts, Prayers, and Love to *Keith & Mikaela Knapp*
.

But fueling up on popsicles

lonelyblogs.com blog directory

Special Tribute To A Favorite “Actor”Gone To Soon…”Paul Walker”

“Here is what I came across on my Facebook page last night as I had been a FB friend & Like of  “Actor, Paul Walker”…….

Author Catherine Townsend-Lyon “Addicted To Dimes”

It is with a truly heavy heart that we must confirm that Paul Walker passed away today in a tragic car accident while attending a charity event for his organization Reach Out Worldwide. He was a passenger in a friend’s car, in which both lost their lives. We appreciate your patience as we too are stunned and saddened beyond belief by this news. Thank you for keeping his family and friends in your prayers during this very difficult time. We will do our best to keep you apprised on where to send condolences. – #TeamPW
……

….
*NEEDLESS TO SAY I WAS HEART BROKEN*……..

Here are a few stories that are around the web this morning as many of his friends, family, and many who are as “Shocked & Sad” as I am Today. Paul was only 40 years old……..”Another Gone To Soon”……

Image: Vin Diesel (left) & Paul Walker (© @therealvindiesel via Instagram)

Publicist: Paul Walker dies in car crash

*Courtesy of The Los Angeles Times*
By Carla RiveraNovember 30, 2013, 9:11 p.m.

Actor Paul Walker, who gained fame as an undercover detective in the hugely successful “The Fast and the Furious” franchise, was killed Saturday in a car accident in Valencia, his representatives confirmed.

The single vehicle crash occurred about 3:30 p.m. in the 28300 block of Rye Canyon Loop. Deputies from the Santa Clarita Valley sheriff’s station and the Los Angeles County Fire Department arrived to find a vehicle engulfed in flames. Two people in the vehicle were pronounced dead at the scene.

Photos: Paul Walker, 1973-2013The cause of the accident is under investigation, said sheriff’s Deputy Kim Manatt.

According to a statement on his Twitter account, Walker, 40, was attending a charity event to aid Filipino victims of Typhoon Haiyan for his organization Reach Out Worldwide, formed in 2010 as a quick response first-aid organization.

“It is with a truly heavy heart that we must confirm that Paul Walker passed away today in a tragic car accident while attending a charity event for his organization Reach Out Worldwide,” the statement read. “He was a passenger in a friend’s car, in which both lost their lives. We appreciate your patience as we too are stunned and saddened beyond belief by this news.”

Officials with the Los Angeles County coroner’s office said they were still at the scene and could not confirm the names of either victim.

Representatives with Universal Pictures confirmed Walker’s identity and released a statement:

“All of us at Universal are heartbroken. Paul was truly one of the most beloved and respected members of our studio family for 14 years, and this loss is devastating to us, to everyone involved with the ‘Fast and Furious’ films, and to countless fans. We send our deepest and most sincere condolences to Paul’s family.”

At the time of his death, Walker, who also starred in “Pleasantville” and “Varsity Blues,” was working on the seventh film of the “Fast and Furious” franchise.
……..

*Another Story from the area the accident happened, Santa Clarita*

UPDATE: Actor Paul Walker killed in Valencia car crash

*The wreckage of a Porsche sports car that crashed into a light standard on Hercules Street in the Rye Canyon Industrial Park in Valencia on Saturday. Signal photo by Dan Watson*….

Two people were killed Saturday afternoon when a Porsche sports car crashed and burst into flames in Valencia, and the passenger was actor Paul Walker, his publicist confirmed to the Associated Press

“Sadly I have to confirm that Paul Walker did pass away this afternoon,” said Ame Van Iden, Walker’s publicist.

The single-car crash occurred around 3:30 p.m. on Hercules Street near Constellation Road in the Rye Canyon Business Park, fire officials said.

The red Porsche was reduced to unrecognizable twisted metal in the single-car crash.

Sheriff’s Department officials did not confirm that the actor was killed in the crash, saying the Los Angeles County Coroner’s office would determine the victims’ identities and causes of death. The coroner’s office could not be reached for comment late Saturday.

Spectators gathered at the scene, and several said the passenger was the star of “The Fast and the Furious” series of films. One witness at the scene said he tried to put the fire out and recognized Walker inside the vehicle.

“Him and his buddy, his brother in arms at heart just decided to joyride, take a spin. Something we all do. We’re all car enthusiasts. … We’re all here driving, enjoying each other, and God must’ve needed help,” said Antonio Holmes, who said he was a friend of Walker.

“We all heard from our location (the accident). It’s a little difficult to know what it was. Someone called it in and said it was a vehicle fire.

“We all ran around and jumped in cars and grabbed fire extinguishers and immediately went to the vehicle. It was engulfed in flames. There was nothing. They were trapped. Employees, friends of the shop. We tried. We tried. We went through fire extinguishers.”

Walker, 40, is said to have business ties to Always Evolving Performance Motors, located down Constellation Road from the scene of the crash. Always Evolving hosted a toy drive and car meet on Saturday.

Holmes said Walker was at the event supporting the cause, and the driver of the vehicle also had ties to the business.

Another witness said he saw Walker and the driver leave Always Evolving Performance Motors minutes before the crash.

“When we saw Paul and Roger leave, Paul was the passenger in the vehicle. They both were experienced drivers.

This was just a tragic accident that happened on a joyride,” said Jim Torp of Santa Clarita.

“At the conclusion of the accident the vehicle struck a light standard and the whole car was burned,” a Los Angeles County Fire Department spokesman said. The two occupants of the vehicle were unable to get out in time, he said.

A sheriff’s deputy at the scene said the Porsche driver appeared to have lost control of the car, which hit a tree.

Both a tree and a light standard were downed at the scene.

Spectators gathered at the crash site as the afternoon darkened into evening, held back from going too close by yellow caution tape.”

*I truly feel in my *HEART* the only way to but this “Tragedy” into perspective,  is like one of the spectators said, “God must have needed Paul’s help today”…….I think I’ll chose to think of it this way. My thoughts, prayers, and love go out to his *Family, Friends, and Paul’s *Universal Pictures* friends & family. A very sad and tragic end to Paul’s Life. Just Remember This, “He was doing something GOOD for others at the time of his passing”*…….That’s what’s *IMPORTANT*……

            
*R.I.P…..PAUL*…..

*UPDATED* 7:32pm
*Thoughts, Love, and Prayers to *ROGER RODAS’S* Family and Friends, the driver of the car who passed along side Paul Walker. Here is more about Roger Rodas*…….

Paul Walker race team
About Roger Rodas…..

He owned a car customisation business

Rodas was the co-owner of a car customisation business in Santa Clarita, California.

Fast & Furious star Walker was named also named as a co-owner of the Always Evolving shop which describes itself as “The source for all of your automotive passions.”

He raced with Walker

Roads and Walker had raced each other in the Pirelli World Challenge Series. According to Auto Week, they raced at a number of other racing events including 25 Hours of Thunderhill.

It’s claimed Walker’s busy schedule meant he was unable to be involved as much as he would have liked.

He did a lot of charity work

They are big charity workers and were on their way to an event for Walker’s founded fundraiser Reach Out Worldwide.

The charity was part of an aid response team to help those connected to the devastating earthquake in Haiti in 2010. Rodas also did charity work for The Asomugha Foundation.

*ABOUT REACH OUT WORLD WIDE ORGANIZATION*
Paul Walker & Roger Rodas…..

Reach Out WorldWide (ROWW) – consisting of skilled volunteers – is a non-profit registered 501(c)3 organization. While part of a relief team responding to the massive earthquakes that devastated Haiti on January 12, 2010; Actor/Producer Paul Walker saw a gap between the availability of skilled resources and the requirement for such personnel in post-disaster situations.  Following the trip he contacted a group of his friends to assist him in forming ROWW with the purpose of filling this unmet need.

ROWW is a network of committed professionals with first responder skill-set (including project management, logistics, heavy equipment operation, EMT, paramedic, firefighting, and healthcare, etc). The volunteers provide their expertise when disasters strike and augment local resources with the goal of accelerating relief efforts on a worldwide basis. ROWW has developed Standard Operating Procedures that facilitate arriving quickly, clearing access, providing basic necessities and medical assistance to ease the survivors’ pain and bringing hope in the bleakest of circumstances.

ROWW operates on the philosophy that by making a difference in just one person’s life, the world has been changed for the better.

*I have made support Donations for his cause many times, as they do great work for many in need…… *Donating Today*  http://www.roww.org/donate/

The Rodas Group

The Rodas Group 
Roger spent much of his early career racing Porsche GT3 Cup race cars in the Porsche Owner’s Club and other amateur race series.  Recently he raced in the Pirelli Porsche Driver’s Cup Series, where he took two first place finishes, six podiums, and finished second overall in the driver’s championship points. For 2013, Roger is taking the next step forward campaigning a Ford Racing Boss 302S Mustang in the Pirelli World Challenge Sportscar Championship Series.  No stranger to the fabled pony car, his personal collection consists of a wide assortment of limited production Saleen and Shelby Mustangs. His collection has become the heart of Always Evolving, a Southern California based operation that provides buys and sells luxury and performance cars, offers performance car builds full-service race preparation and team management.

Name:
Roger Rodas
Hometown:
Valencia, CA
Origin:
El Salvador
Birthday:
10/31/75

R.I.P ~~ Roger Rodas
GOD BLESS ALL,

Author, Catherine Townsend-Lyon XoXo