New Guest Holiday Article is All About Addicted Gambling and Safe Guarding Your Finances! Addiction (Dot) Com

New Guest Holiday Article is All About Addicted Gambling and Safe Guarding Your Finances! Addiction (Dot) Com

As a recovering gambler, I know just how important it is when it comes to our finances. When a spouse or partner finds out they are living with a problem gambler, most often their thoughts go to all the MONEY.

So I feel it is important to address this while holiday blogging and sharing good helpful information through my Guest Articles I am spotlighting this season. One website that does this is one that did a 4 part series about me after my book, “Addicted to Dimes” first released and all about how I was recovering from addicted gambling. And today’s article is by my friends Addiction.com  at who has a section on their website for gambling addiction and resources…

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Financial Options For Partners of Problem Gambler

 

If things are rapidly slipping out of control as a result of your loved one’s problem gambling, it may be time for you to act now.

The fact that problem gambling affects thousands of Americans and their families is small comfort when it hits right home with your own family. You already know that the devastating emotional and financial problems affect more than just your gambling spouse. Everyone in the family suffers as a result of problem gambling.

But what can you do, you ask yourself? You certainly can’t stop your loved one from gambling. Only he or she can do that — with the help of professionals to overcome the addiction. There are some things that you can do, however, to regain financial balance in your family’s life. Perhaps you can enlist the cooperation of your spouse in this effort, but if you cannot, you can still take steps on your own.

The key point to remember is that you need to address financial issues before they become major financial problems. If you already have serious financial problems and are looking for a way to get back on your feet, some of these suggestions may also be of help as you begin to recover.

Before You Begin

While financial aspects of life with a problem gambler can be overwhelming, and you can’t force treatment on that individual, it is important to consider doing one or more of the following before you take the steps recommended here to put your financial house back in order.

  • Talk things over with a trusted friend or other family members. You need support right now, encouragement that you’re doing the right thing. Galvanized with such support, it will be easier
    • (but not easy) to move forward with some of the tips in this article.
    • Get in touch with the Gam-Anon group that’s in your area to find out when and where support group meetings are held. Gam-Anon is for the family members and close friends of those who have a gambling problem and is affiliated with Gamblers Anonymous.
    • Call the National Council on Problem Gambling Hotline at 1-800-522-4700 for information and answers to any questions you may have on how to deal with a problem gambler in the family. The hotline is available 24 hours a day and all calls are confidential. You can also check out the National Council on Problem Gambling site.
    • Talk with a therapist or counselor about your particular situation. You may wish to participate in ongoing support to help you navigate the emotional roller-coaster you’re on, or you may just seek help for one or two visits.

    Financial Problems a Symptom, Not the Cause

    Often times the problem gambler will insist that if only there was more money, the family’s financial problems would disappear. If only that were true! Unfortunately, it isn’t now and it will never be that way. Unless and until the problem gambler seeks help to overcome the compulsion to gamble, he or she will progressively become more obsessed with gambling. The money will always be an issue.

    What most loving spouses do in this situation is try to bail out the problem gambler. You listen to what your spouse has to say and, of course, you want to believe that everything’s going to be all right. But this is exactly the wrong thing to do. By straightening out the financial difficulties — lending him or her money, for example — you’re just reinforcing the pattern of gambling behavior. There’s no incentive to change, and no penalties for not doing so.

    Bottom line: It’s important to remember that financial problems are just the symptom of problem gambling. They are never the cause. Gambling addiction is a serious psychological problem.

     

    Financial Actions to Take Now

    If large debts have accumulated or are beginning to mount up, you recognize that it’s going to take time to undo all the damage. Still, there are some immediate actions you can take to put a stop to the severe losses — the so-called “hemorrhaging of money.”

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    When should you take these steps? Financial management experts who council those seeking to overcome financial difficulties incurred as a result of problem gambling recommend you do so if your loved one is still in denial and continues to gamble, or if your loved one has made a commitment to quit gambling. Note that a commitment to stop gambling involves taking action to overcome it, meaning, in most cases, that the person agrees to and goes into treatment.

    No Joint Accounts — In a traditional household, there are joint accounts that both spouses have access to. When there’s a problem gambler in the family, however, that money managing technique is a definite no-no. If you already have a joint account, maybe now is the time to consider setting up separate savings and checking accounts in your own name only.

    If you’re worried that your spouse will try to talk you into giving him money you’re your account, it might be a good idea not to tell him about the separate account. You might, for example, ask a trusted friend or other relative if you can have your bank statements mailed to them so that the existence of your accounts remains secret.

You may also decide to limit your problem gambler spouse’s access to household accounts. Do not give your personal identification number (PIN) to your spouse if you have a bank debit card.

This separation also applies to credit cards. Remove your name from joint credit cards and get one in your name only. In a worst-case scenario, with credit cards maxed out all over the place, you may even consider alerting various creditors of your spouse’s gambling problem. Also, ask them not to extend any more credit to your spouse.

Monitor all Mail — Be the one to gather and monitor all the mail that comes into the house. Immediately shred and dispose of any new credit card or loan offers that come to the house.

Open a Safety Deposit Box — Why go to the trouble of opening a safety deposit box? Think about your jewelry and other expensive items your spouse may take to pawn or sell for cash to gamble with.

Don’t Co-sign any Loans — Your problem gambler will get desperate to obtain more money. Never agree to co-sign any loans or other financial obligations.

Tell Others Not to Lend the Gambler Money — This may be tough to do, letting close friends and other family members know of your spouse’s problem gambling, but you have to do so as well as ask them not to lend any money to the gambler — despite all the pleas and wild stories he or she may come up with.

Take Over Bill-Paying — The only way to get control over what’s going on with the family’s finances, you need to be the one paying the bills. If possible, arrange to take over this family financial management obligation. You could say, for example, that you’re really good at this and it’s a way of saving time and aggravation that your spouse would probably appreciate.

After Your Spouse Quits Gambling

You already know that there are some things that the recovering compulsive gambler can and cannot do. While he or she may — after treatment — be able to avoid gambling sites, stop buying lotto tickets or going online to gamble, it’s not possible to avoid the thing that all gamblers need and that is money. If your problem gambling spouse has made a commitment to quit gambling or has already quit gambling, the temptation is still there every time he or she passes a cash register, goes by or to a bank, or pays for something at the store.

Financial management experts who counsel loved ones of recovering problem gamblers say that there are a number of things you can do to help your spouse learn again how to manage money so that the family can once again regain financial stability and prevent future problems with money.

These actions cover identifying income and assets, establishing a spending plan, shifting control of finances to a nongambler, setting up a repayment plan for debts, and deciding if investing is the best option.

  • Identifying income and assets — You need to know where all the sources of income and assets come from that your spouse could use for gambling. This involves making a list of all such sources. Here are some obvious sources, but they are just the beginning of what should be on your list: paychecks, Social Security, pension benefits, unemployment income, income from trusts and credit card cash advances. If your spouse also receives income from tips and/or bonuses, remember that he or she may try to hide some of this by telling you lies about the amount (so it can be used for gambling).

    Also, list any financial asset your spouse could potentially turn into cash for gambling. These include IRAs, certificates of deposit, mutual fund accounts, the equity you have in the home, retirement accounts, real estate, cash value in life insurance policies, and bank accounts. Don’t forget personal assets such as cars, boats, motorcycles, RVs, jewelry, artwork, furnishings, collectibles, even appliances, and electronics. Be aware that your spouse may have a hidden “stash” of cash that he or she may be reluctant to tell you about. It’s important that you uncover this stash so that it can’t be used for gambling.

  • Establishing a spending plan — Once you know the sources of income and assets, it’s time to put your financial house in order by establishing a spending plan, also called a budget. Use a computer or worksheets to compile and keep track of the budget. List all monthly sources of income. Then list basic monthly household expenses — being sure to treat debt as a monthly basic expense.

    Monitor your own spending habits and cut down. Next, cut unnecessary expenses — which may be 20-30% of the household budget. Break large periodic bills into smaller monthly payments or put money each month into a savings account so that when the bill arrives, you’ll have the money. You may also wish to save money to pay for treatment for your spouse’s gambling addiction.

  • Shifting financial control to a nongambler — If your spouse is already in a treatment program to overcome gambling addiction, it’s more likely that there’ll be a willingness to allow you to take control of the household finances. If he or she is still in denial about problem gambling, however, you may be limited to what you can do on your own to take control of the finances. Support groups for families of problem gamblers can give you the emotional support you need as you begin to assume the role of financial control in the family. Follow the recommendations in the first section on taking control of the finances and add to it the responsibility for taking charge of tax returns. For shifting ownership of property, do not undertake this without first getting legal and tax advice.
  • Setting up debt repayment plans — The only way you’ll come out from under a financial meltdown caused by your problem gambler spouse is to set up a repayment plan for outstanding debts. This is also important if you want to stave off bankruptcy. The way to get started is another list. Jot down what is owed to what creditor. Include car loans, mortgages, second-mortgages, furniture loans, bank loans, medical bills, utility bills, back taxes, child support, spousal support, education loans, credit card debt and so on.

    Paying off non-gambling debts needs to take priority over paying off debts related to gambling. Next, establish a debt repayment plan with the creditors. Recognize that some debts are a higher priority than others. Also, some creditors may not accept reduced payments. If possible, have the gambler make the calls to the creditors — so that he or she takes ownership of responsibility for his or her actions. Only use bankruptcy as a last resort — since it takes a long time to recover from this option.

  • Deciding if investing is the right choice now — Not every problem gambler goes to the casinos, places sports bets, or gambles online. Some are obsessed with investment. Some experts say that problem gamblers should never invest. It’s up to you to determine whether this applies in your situation. If it does, investing is probably not a wise choice right now. However, since you are a nongambler, you should be able to continue your own investment strategies — if they continue to make sense. The most obvious investment you’d likely continue is your retirement plan through work.

    Finding Professional Financial Advice

    Besides consulting an attorney and perhaps a debt counseling service, you may also want to consider the help of a qualified financial planner as you work your way through dollars and sense strategies to overcome financial difficulties caused by your problem gambler spouse. Check out the following resources for help in financial planning.

    • Nonprofit Debt Counseling Services — These include the National Foundation for Credit Counseling or call 1-800-388-2227.
    • Financial Planning Association — To find a certified financial planner, go to the Financial Planning Association website or call them at 1-800-232-PLAN (7526).
    • Society of Financial Services Professionals — Go to the Society of Financial Services Professionals or call them at 1-800-392-6900.
    • National Association of Personal Financial Advisors — Go here to locate a fee-only financial planner for your area or call 1-888-333-6659.
    • Certified Financial Planner Board of Standards, Inc. — This board regulates Certified Financial Planner licensees. To locate a CRP practitioner near you, go to their website at or call 1-888-237-6275.

    Bottom line: You’re about to embark on a long and difficult process. Regaining financial stability after losses incurred as a result of your problem gambler spouse means you will need to employ some dollars and sense strategies to get there. Recognize that it will take time and determination. You can do it, but be sure to get whatever support and counsel you need as you begin your journey.

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    ***For more informative articles about problem gambling or gambling addiction and services for help, please my friends here at Addiction.Com           

 

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Holiday Recovery Resource Pick addictionblog.com Has Help From Many Addictions…Even From Gambling

Holiday Recovery Resource Pick addictionblog.com Has Help From Many Addictions…Even From Gambling

Today I am shining the spotlight on one of my favorite blogs I enjoy reading good articles and always who has great information about gambling and other addictions. They have an array of recovery resources and suggested treatments options they display on their site as well. I am a firm believer that reading and research to stay educated maintaining recovery is vital.

It is also the same for family and loved ones of the addict to have places they can get help and suggested information on how to safeguard themselves while looking for help for their loved one or friend. This article does just that. So I hope everyone gives it read and it helps others and written by Sydney Smith LPC, LADC, NCGC-II for Addiction Blog. org

 


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A Gambling Problem Can Be Difficult To Detect

Problem Gambling can be hidden for a long time which often makes it very difficult to detect. By the time the problem surfaces and the family finds out, the devastation and wreckage can be tremendous. Family members tend to know that something is wrong with their loved one but due to gambling addiction’s invisible nature, especially in the early stages of the disease, it can be extremely hard to identify.

In this article, we will discuss the signs and symptoms of, and ways to identify if your loved one has a gambling problem. Then, we’ll invite your questions about how to get help at the end.

Determining If There Is A Gambling Problem

As a family member, we may or may not know the extent of the gambling problem or how long gambling has been an issue for our loved one. We may know about the gambling, but still, have much uncertainty as to whether there is a gambling problem. So if you are asking yourself,  “How do I know if my loved one is a problem gambler?”

…the following are questions and information that may help determine if there is a gambling problem.

SIGN 1: Time away. If I know the person is gambling, the amount of time spent gambling or engaged in gambling activities increases. The gambler can be gone for long unaccounted for periods of time.

When the gambler in my life gambled, he often gambled while he was at work. So, in the early stages, I did not know how much time he actually spent gambling. As his gambling worsened, he would not come home from work and would disappear for 24 hours at a time.

SIGN 2: Obsession to find money. Is the gambler becoming preoccupied or obsessed with obtaining money to gamble or thoughts of gambling? The great obsession can be on coming up with ways to borrow money, taking out loans, pawning items for cash, or planning their next bet.

Living with a gambler in the past, I would frequently have jewelry missing or items of value just disappear. Later I would learn that my gambler would pawn these items to obtain gambling money or to chase his losses. Later in the progression of the disease, the gambler may be physically present but not there, as the mind is preoccupied with gambling.

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SIGN 3: Emotional volatility. Does the gambler have moods swings or gambles as a means to cope or change feelings? A gambler deep into his addiction can exhibit mood swings similar to those of a person diagnosed with bipolar disorder. The extreme up and down in moods can be hard on both the gambler and the family members. The “up” moods can follow a win, and the gambler may even brag about the winnings. The “down” mood can be very depressive and the gambler may experience anxious or depressed mood, anger, and become irritable.

Gambling is used to change the way the person is feeling and the family members may hear the gambler make statements such as, “I had a stressful day at work and I just need to go gamble to unwind.”

SIGN 4: New Secrets. Are there secretive behaviors or hiding? Is the gambler becoming very secretive in his actions and with his money? Hiding of gambling wins or losses, hiding lottery tickets, tax documents, etc. becomes common.

In my therapy practice, I often hear the spouses say, “I found payday loan papers, or while cleaning, I found ATM receipts from the casino.”. The family may begin to lose trust in the gambler as the hiding, concealing, and lying about gambling grows.

20 Questions Family or Spouse To Ask Yourself

 

These are a few of the more noticeable warning signs one may experience with the gambler. In addition, Gam-Anon created a simple list of 20 questions for family members to ask themselves.

Family members of problem gamblers will answer “YES” to at least seven of the twenty questions.

  1. Do you find yourself constantly bothered by bill collectors?
  2. Is the person in question often away from home for long unexplained periods of time?
  3. Does this person ever lose time from work due to gambling?
  4. Do you feel that this person cannot be trusted with money?
  5. Does this person promise that he or she will stop gambling, yet gambles again and again?
  6. Does this person ever gamble longer than he or she intended?
  7. Does this person immediately return to gambling to try to recover losses or to win more?
  8. Does this person ever gamble to get money to solve financial difficulties?
  9. Does this person borrow money to gamble with or to pay gambling debts?
  10. Has this person’s reputation ever suffered due to gambling?
  11. Have you come to the point of hiding money needed for living expenses?
  12. Do you search this person’s clothing, go through his or her wallet, or check on his or her activities?
  13. Do you hide his or her money?
  14. Have you noticed personality changes in him or her?
  15. Does this person consistently lie to cover up or deny his or her gambling activities?
  16. Does this person use guilt induction as a method of shifting responsibility for his or her gambling onto you?
  17. Do you attempt to anticipate this person’s moods to try to control his or her life?
  18. Does this person ever suffer from remorse or depression due to gambling sometimes to the point of self-destruction?
  19. Have you ever threatened to break up the family because of the gambling?
  20. Do you feel that your life together is a nightmare?

What Can You Do Next?

This list can be found on the Gam-Anon website or in Gam-Anon published literature. If you can identify with any of the information listed above:

  • Continue to educate yourself about gambling addiction through resources and literature.
  • Reach out to a trained professional.
  • Attend a Gam-Anon or any 12-step support meeting for friends and family of addicts.

If we believe our loved one has a gambling addiction, it is OK to encourage them to seek help, however, it is vitally important for us as family members to seek out our own help.  We are not alone, there is hope, and life can get better. 

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I’d like to add that the addict does need to make the first step. Yes, it is vital and important that the spouse and family SEE through the anger and disappoint them may feel when first learning they are living with a gambling addict like my husband was. But once you look beyond that, your next step is to reach out for help to first safeguard your finances for you and your family. Gama-anon can help but also look into help from a professional. 

Maybe a financial advisor or a friend. Contact your local health department to see if the State Lottery has funded treatment and help for you and the gambler. My own treatment and my husbands guideness counselor were free and paid for by the Oregon State Lottery, including my crisis center stays and treatment. I do meetings with Gamblers Anonymous online, but there are many options for the addict and the family. And, yes, after everything we went through with my gambling addiction, my husband and I worked through it and are still married today over 28-years. You can read all about HOW in my Memoir…

WE DO AND CAN RECOVER!

Catherine 

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Loved Being A Guest On RadioMD and Rewired Radio With Erica Spiegelman! Just Advocating & Awareness.

Loved Being A Guest On RadioMD and Rewired Radio With Erica Spiegelman! Just Advocating & Awareness.

Welcome Recovery Friends and All Visitors,

As part of my “Give A Gift of 12 Days of Christmas of Recovery” I had a scheduled Radio Show today and wanted to share it with all of you! Many studies and facts have been changing due to the increase of more and more expansion of gambling options. Expanding State Lotteries, Indian/Tribal Casinos, and internet gambling as well.

When Erica Spiegelman and I chatted on Rewired Radio here: http://apple.co/2oAJps6 she wasn’t fully aware of all the places gambling is available like in our church’s with Bingo and Bingo fundraisers. Same with your kids’ schools, from prom casino night fundraisers and raffle ticket fundraisers. 

At our grocery stores with scratch ticket and lotto machines. Gambling is everywhere. Now, for normal people, they may not think twice about it. But for those trying to recover from this addiction, it seems like gaming options are all over. So, being able to have a platform and interview to raise more awareness is awesome! To share and educate the public about how gambling is now reaching our Seniors, High School and College age kids too. When will it stop? So I hope you will take some time and give a listen to my New Radio Interview with my Host, Erica and the fine folks of RadioMD and Rewired Radio! 

Now THANKS to Sylvia who shared all the links you can go take a listen and please share them on your social media if you ENJOY the Interview! More info below!

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Visit This Link and click on LISTEN 

ABOUT THE SHOW:

Guest Info & Links: Catherine Townsend-Lyon
From the Show: Rewired Radio

Summary: When we talk about addiction, we often focus on substance abuse. In truth, there are people addicted to behaviors and habits that can cause just as much damage to their lives as drugs or alcohol.

The Silent Addiction

When we talk about addiction, we often focus on substance abuse. 

In truth, there are people addicted to behaviors and habits that can cause just as much damage to their lives as drugs or alcohol. 

Catherine Townsend-Lyon understands this all too well. For years, she was addicted to gambling, what she calls “a hush addiction.” 

Catherine shares her story of how she was able to free herself from this crippling addiction and how she uses this experience to help others get on the path to recovery, even when all hope seems lost.

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Grab Her New Book:

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ABOUT MY HOST:

Erica Spiegelman is a consultant, author, counselor and speaker who has made an indelible mark in the field of addiction recovery. She has founded a multi-media health and wellness platform, providing consulting and counseling solutions for clients by providing them with tools on how to reach emotional, mental and physical freedom.

She holds a Bachelors degree in Literature from the University of Arizona and a degree as a California State Certified Drug and Alcohol Counselor (CADAC-I) from University of California, Los Angeles. Erica has a consulting business and works with numerous patient care centers in California, including the Living Rebos Treatment Center, Klean Treatment Center, and Passages Malibu. She is a regular contributor to online health outlets, writes for Maria Shriver, and often co-hosts a weekly radio show Klean Radio on Sirius XM.

Grab Her Books on AMAZON!

Product Details

Rewired: A Bold New Approach…
2015

Product Details

Rewired New Workbook
2017

 

Christmas Past Blast Throwback. Reshare Article of Mine From Christmas Past…

LET’S QUIT TO WIN THE HOLIDAYS!
By Author, Catherine Townsend-Lyon ~ “Keys to Recovery Newspaper”

 

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“Now that the holidays are upon us, those of us in recovery can have a tough time around the holiday time. I know I have in the past with self-sabotaging my Christmas season. How do you ask? Let me share a “war story of Christmas past.” We can learn and grow in recovery in when we safely look at the “Then & Now of Christmas’s Past”, as an addicted or problem gambler.”

 

Many of us in recovery advocate to show to others who still suffer from this cunning addiction the importance of sharing our experiences, strength and hope with others when we do tell some of our “war stories.” It does show how insidious this addiction is. It is one of the areas I don’t feel is proper about 12-Step programs. They tell us not to share war stories as it could maybe trigger someone in a meeting.

But, if we don’t learn from these mistakes or choices, how do we look back and find growth in our recovery? Yes, you can see growth by just doing the 12-steps, but may need more than that to recover fully. I know I did. I recall one Christmas that has to be my worst within my gambling addiction and will never forget. And it is why I make sure all holidays now are safe, happy and full of JOY. It was back in 2005.

Our home we had lived and worked very hard for, had to be sold through a short sale or we would have lost everything we put into it. But even then, it felt like we lost it as we are still paying on the balance that was not covered by the sale. It also caused me to make a few bad choices, residual addicted “thinking,: I had committed a crime, that big catastrophe! I wrote about it in my memoir, and I was reeling.

I stopped taking my bipolar meds, then took them all at once! I was so angry with myself, feeling so much shame, guilt, low self-worth and again suicidal because I knew it was because of my past gambling is how we got into this mess in the first place! Of course, no excuse’s, just insights. We were so financially broke. I remember being in JCPenney walking around aimlessly wishing I could buy this or that for the family for Christmas and again in Walmart. Luckily, all our family lived in other states than Oregon. So I had to do the same lame thing I had done for many past Christmas’s, just send a card.

It was tough already that we both had job loss, the very beginning of the economy and markets were getting ready to pop. We had a hard time finding good paying jobs, and I ended up back in an addiction/mental health crisis again with another breakdown right after the holidays. It was all too much!

When I got released from the crisis center, I knew I had a lot more recovery inner work, which included financial inventory to take and work on. I had been doing well in my recovery and gamble free at the time, but something was nagging at me. See, you need to know that no matter what the addiction is, it’s always waiting for us.

 

STOP Desperately Gambling For The Holiday 

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Like the holidays for instance and the point of this post, we can have a lot of temptations around us at this time of year. There are holiday parties for both personal and work-related that can be stressful. We may have had fall outs due to the holidays, (thanks to our addictions and why we have step 9… make amends where ever possible) with friends and family. Many different reasons that can become a trigger or bring on urges. The stress of the season, lack of money for presents, a slew of things swirling around in our heads! The “cycle” if not broken or interrupted will keep you either in the addiction or just on edge waiting.

That is what I needed the second time around after coming out of the crisis. I chose to work with a gambling addiction and behavioral specialist. And he would not “cut me loose” until I could tell him how the “cycle” of addiction happens, and tell him the skills and tools to stop it which took me a year. Once I learned and applied those skills and tools, I began on the road to long-term recovery.

So my point is everyone needs a relapse plan. A solid plan that will help you avoid these pitfalls. I had been given a workbook that I now have listed on my recovery resource pages, for all to come and use for their recovery from gambling here: Holiday Relapse Prevention Guide.

It shows step by step what is needed to make a plan to prevent relapse for any occasion, like the holiday season, life events like a loss from death, a job loss and much more. These events and the holidays will come. So you need to prepare before, not after they happen. Be prepared and use those tools taught and learned in treatment, or a 12-step program, maybe in therapy or however you choose, to reach out and start your recovery journey. And learn about “the cycle” of addiction.

 

When you do, I guarantee you will have many, many ‘Happy Holiday Seasons’ to come!

 

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“You Are Worth It In Recovery and a Happy Holiday Season!!
Catherine 

My Recovery Spotlight on Author & Advocate, Marilyn Lancelot a Recovering Gambler Like Me…

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What can I say more about this beautiful friend of mine who was responsible for getting gamblers anonymous meetings into Arizona’s Womens prisons and correctional facilities? Marilyn has been maintaining a long-term “Bet Free” lifestyle” and she makes it look easy. She is also my sponsor while I am temporarily living in the Phoenix, AZ area for now. Marilyn calls me each week or so like clockwork, and I am so grateful and blessed to have her in my life!

Home

I came across a wonderful in-depth Guest Interview she did not too long ago on and courtesy of  EnCOGNITIVE.com  … I love Marilyn to pieces as we don’t often meet true supportive friends every day like her. I am excited to mention her and I will be on an upcoming coming radio show together on Mental Health News Radio Network With – Kristin Walker! Our topic will be on ” Switching Addictions” which is also the title of Marilyn’s 2nd book. Her first is a MUST READ Titled; “Gripped By Gambling” a memoir that you won’t believe and is EYE OPENING. So let’s meet and learn more about Marilyn Lancelot…

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Product Details

GRIPPED BY GAMBLING  (A book that will have you in tears and then laughter. A story told with the painful truth about the addiction of gambling and how I found recovery.)

Interview with a Recovering Compulsive Gambler.

“My name is Marilyn Lancelot and I am a recovering compulsive gambler. I visited my first casino in 1984 at the age of 53. For seven years, my boyfriend and I made the four-hour trek from Yuma, AZ to Laughlin, NV every weekend. I learned early on how to lie to my family and friends and how to sign my employers’ name to company checks. I considered suicide and planned it so it would like an accident.

Then one day the auditors discovered my embezzling. Horrified, I watched seven police cars pull into my driveway to take me away in handcuffs. I lost my job, home, life savings, my retirement, and my freedom. I had progressed from a Mrs. Cleaver type housewife to a Ma Barker type criminal.”


Questions and Answers:

Under what circumstance did you first gamble?

As a young girl, I remember playing cards with family and betting twenty-five cents a hand. I thought it very boring and everyone got drunk and argued. I went to dog and horse races and thought they were too slow. I remember vividly the first time I gambled in a casino. I visited Las Vegas with my husband but only played the twenty-five cent slot machines. It wasn’t until a couple of years later when I spent a weekend at a bowling tournament in Reno, NV and that’s when I became addicted.

Did you win the first time you gambled?

The weekend in Reno was what many refer to as beginner’s luck. I just couldn’t lose. I felt I was destined to become a professional gambler and could earn a living in the casinos.

After the first time you gambled, when did you come back again?

When I got home from the bowling tournament I told my boyfriend what an incredible weekend I had and we must drive to Laughlin the following week. We did drive the 4½ hours to the casinos and 4 ½ hours home for the next seven years.

Was it internal or external pressure that made you want to quit?

I didn’t want to quit even though the gambling was killing me, physically, emotionally, and financially. There was no external pressure because of no-one, not even my family knew of my addiction. It was my money and I could do whatever I wanted to and when I wanted to.

What would you say was the lowest point in your gambling life?

Some of the lowest periods in my gambling were the times when I wanted to die; when my credit cards were maxed out, when I began embezzling money from my employer, and when I realized I couldn’t do anything about my gambling. But the very lowest was when the police came and took me away in handcuffs for a crime I committed to support my habit.

What were your game or games of choice?

My game of choice was the slot machine. No other form of gambling gave me the hypnotic feeling of escaping as the slot machines did.

Did you have rituals you went through each time you gambled?

My rituals for my weekend at the casino were to wear my lucky shirt, my lucky jewelry, and to follow the same path around the casino floor each weekend. I thought any changes would spoil my luck.

Why do you think it’s hard for compulsive gamblers to understand that money can’t be made through gambling? What is their mindset, do you think?

It was difficult for me to understand that money couldn’t be made through gambling because once in a while I did win and everyone around me won so my turn would come again. I believed I could win all my losses back if I just tried harder. I even bought books on how to gamble successfully. I had to continue to gamble until I hit the big jackpot.

Besides the money, what would you say was the worst thing you lost because of gambling?

I think the worst loss was my loss of the seven years I gambled. For those years I was a zombie and didn’t have time for my family. My mind was not on my job during the week because all I could think about was the weekend.

There is a theory that addictions run in families. Was there anyone in your immediate family who had an addiction problem?

My parents both had drinking problems so if addictive, compulsive behavior is hereditary, then I believe my poor coping skills came from my parents. I don’t blame anyone but myself for my addictions. My five children all became addicted to alcohol or drugs.

Poor coping skills have been contributed to addictions. Can you share with us what coping skills you’ve learned that have helped you? Then specifically how you cope with:

Anger: When I feel angry about something or someone, I stop and analyze my feelings (after months and years of practicing, it becomes second nature) and decide if I should really be upset by the situation or just move past the issue. Like driving down the freeway, if I slow down and allow someone to cut in front of me, I can’t be angry because I allowed that person the courtesy.

Rejection: Feelings of rejection go back many years even before I attended my first 12-step program. If I truly love someone and they abandon me or say cruel things to me, I tell myself, that because I love that person, I will allow them to do with their lives what they want to do. And there again is my decision to allow. If I think they may be on a self-destructive path, I will share my thoughts with them and then allow them to do as they wish. I have learned that I cannot control anyone, not even myself sometimes.

Insecurity: I am not bothered by insecurities today. There was a time when I suffered deeply from an inferiority complex. Today I don’t, I feel that I’m as good a person as I’m supposed to be and I hope people will accept me as I am.

The past: I have forgiven myself for the damage I caused in the past and the mistakes I’ve made. I will never forget them, they’re part of who I am today but I don’t punish myself for my past.

Frustration: If I feel frustration coming on, I do a quick analysis of my surroundings and what’s bothering me. I recite the Serenity Prayer and if I can do something about the problem, I will try and if I can’t, I will accept the consequences.

Or other emotions and events?

Jealousy sometimes pops its ugly head over my shoulder but with a little thought exercise, I can usually make a decision that will show me I have nothing to fear or envy.

Prior to gambling addiction, did you have another addiction? Or did you have another addiction while you were gambling?

I’ve always had addictive patterns in my life. I have had eating problems, I’ve gone through a period where I was a workaholic, I’m a recovering alcoholic and now a recovering compulsive gambler. I know today that if anything feels good, tastes good, or looks good, I have to be aware of the dangers of another addiction.

What would you say is the worst addiction? And why?

I think overeating must be the tougest addiction to cope with. With all other addictions, the person gives up the drug, habit, etc. completely, but with an eating addiction, the person has to modify their habits and continue to stay in the problem but with control.

Almost half of compulsive gamblers are now women. What do you think is contributing to this increase?

I think more women are becoming compulsive gamblers because we are more independent today, we make decisions, earn money, and many of the women are single parents with more responsibilities. Gambling is around every corner, the little store on the corner sells lottery tickets and the churches have bingo. Women feel safe in casinos and the casinos in our backyards and if we can’t drive there, the casino will send a bus to your neighborhood and give you a ride.

There are many theories as to why people develop a gambling problem. They range from social, environmental, biological, cognitive, and spiritual. In your experience, what contributed most to your problem? What theory or theories do you think affect most people?

I guess I don’t look for the reasons why I gambled, I’m just grateful that I found a way to stop. It really doesn’t matter whether we’re rich or poor, young or old, college graduate or high school drop-out, the gambling addiction is not prejudiced.

If you could draw up a plan to help someone to quit gambling, what would that plan look like in detail?

If I could draw up a plan for someone to quit gambling, I would follow the 12 steps of Gamblers Anonymous. I would encourage them to attend meetings, find a sponsor, and make an appointment to see a gambling counselor.

How do you feel about the gambling industry as a whole? Do you think they have the right to operate as a business and it’s caveat emptor (buyer beware) for the consumers?

I have no opinion on the gambling industry as a whole. I just know it’s not for me.

The gambling industry is expanding as a whole. Do you think more people will become addicted to gambling because of this?

Yes, I think the gambling industry is expanding and more people will become addicted. They can’t avoid it with the clever advertising the casinos provide. The casinos are beautiful and the gamblers are treated royally.

How do you feel about poker? Seeing that it’s all over the place now. Do you feel that celebrities playing in poker tournaments is setting a bad example to young people?

I’m sure the poker tournaments on television will tempt many viewers to take that trip to a casino and test their skill. It could be a trigger for some.

You’ve credited Gamblers Anonymous as being instrumental in your recovery. Can you share with us your experiences in the program– the people you’ve met, your most memorable moments and low-points while in the program?

Gamblers Anonymous saved my life. When I was at the lowest point in my addiction and attended my first GA meeting, I knew this was where I belonged. I knew the other members couldn’t do it for me but I couldn’t do it without them. But I do feel there are many other ways to get help and treatment.

Do you agree with the Gamblers Anonymous program that people are “powerless” over gambling?

I know that I was powerless over gambling because I tried so many times to stop driving to the casinos and I just couldn’t stop. Each weekend on the ride home, I’d cry to myself, “I’m never coming back, this is so stupid.” And half-way home I’d be planning my next trip.

Did any friend or family member attempt to understand your problem? Or did you try to hide it from them?

I don’t think any of my friends nor my family would have understood my gambling addiction. They weren’t aware of my problem because I kept it hidden so well. I even rented a post office box so credit card bills wouldn’t be sent to my home.

Do you remember how many bottoms you hit?

What was the worst or most memorable one? Every morning when I woke up and every weekend on my way home from the casino, was a bottom. The most frightening one was when the seven police cars came to my home and took me away in handcuffs.

Did suicide ever cross your mind in the midst of the addiction?

I thought of suicide many times. When I drove alone in my car I thought one quick turn of the wheel and I’d hit a wall or an 18-wheeler and that would be the end of my gambling.

How did gambling make you feel? What were you hoping to get out of it?

While I gambled, I always thought gambling made me feel good. Some nights I sat on the stool at the casino and didn’t care whether I won or lost, I just wanted to keep playing. The money didn’t seem real.

How many times did you try quitting before you succeeded?

I think I quit every weekend for the seven years I gambled compulsively. That only lasted for ten miles down the road when we left the casino and then I would be planning my next trip. I’d wear a different shirt and I wouldn’t wear that dumb bracelet because that’s what gave me the bad luck.

What were the reactions of your family and friends when you were gambling?

My family and friends never knew the amount of money I lost or won. A compulsive gambler becomes very clever with lies and covering up all their gambling problems. We just can’t let anyone know what we’re doing, they make try to make us quit and I wasn’t ready to quit.

Does the thought of gambling creep into your mind sometimes?

I’m happy to say that gambling doesn’t have a place in my thoughts. I’ve been told that I’m not responsible for the first thought that comes into my head but I am responsible for what I do with it after that. I’ve been fortunate that I haven’t gambled since I attended my first meeting more than 16 years ago but I know that if I made that first bet, I’d be off and running again. And this time I would probably die.

Do you have any regrets?

I have regrets. I regret the harm I did to my employer and I’m sorry for not being there for my family. I’ve forgiven myself but I’ll never forget what I’ve done. You can process it so it doesn’t haunt you every day.

What advice do you have for anyone who wants to quit?

If someone wants to quit, they’re half-way there. The desire to stop is the biggest step a compulsive gambler can make. If we don’t have the desire, we can’t quit…

My book GRIPPED BY GAMBLING may be purchased through Amazon.com and other on-line bookstores. The blog here by Author, Catherine Lyon has some good advice and resources I hope people who may have a gambling problem stay and look around while they are here and share with friends and family…

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Marilyn Lancelot

Again, I want to thank EnCOGNITIVE.com  for letting me share this fantastic and informative interview with Marilyn Lancelot. She has published two more important books since Gripped By Gambling. You can visit her on Amazon for all her books here: Amazon Author Page 

This Weeks Recovery Spotlight on My Friends of The Arizona Department of Gaming / Division of Problem Gambling.

Hello and Welcome Recovery Friends,

Fall is in the air and the holidays are just around the corner. That is a tough time for many of us who maintain recovery from gambling addiction and those who are still suffering and stuck in the cycle of addicted gambling. So I wanted to start shining a SPOTLIGHT on the many recovery resources and places who offer help, education, and raise awareness from gambling addiction throughout the Fall & Holiday Season until the end of the year.

We can never have too many places for help, so I came up with this idea to share them and Shine A Light on those who care and want to help those needing it. I will start for those looking for help in The State of Arizona!

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ABOUT THE ARIZONA OFFICE OF PROBLEM GAMBLING:

Our Mission Is Simple: “Our Mission is to provide and support effective problem gambling prevention, treatment, and education programs throughout Arizona.”

The Division of Problem Gambling is committed to a public health approach to address problem gambling issues.  This takes into consideration biological, behavioral, economic, cultural, policy, and environmental factors influencing gambling and health. We will accomplish our mission and realize our vision by being culturally sensitive and responsive to the needs of our partners and those we serve.

We will be professional, collaborative, equitable, and innovative in our solutions to address problem gambling. To Support a sustainable continuum of services that reduces to a minimum level the impact of problem gambling in Arizona.

General Election 2002’s Ballot Proposition 202 (the “Indian Gaming Preservation and Self-Reliance Act”) stated: “Two percent [of the tribal contributions made to the Arizona Benefits Fund], shall be used by the Department of Gaming to fund state and local programs for the prevention and treatment of, and education concerning, problem gambling.”

The Division of Problem Gambling has been established by the Department of Gaming to fulfill this responsibility.

Another Arizona state agency, the Arizona Lottery, has had a Please Play Responsibly Program since 1998 and a Problem Gambling Program since 2000.  The Lottery and the Department of Gaming are collaborating through an inter-agency agreement to consolidate management of all state problem gambling programs within the Division of Problem Gambling with the goal of ensuring a continuity of services.

“We look forward to serving the people of Arizona by fulfilling our Mission.”

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They offer fantastic advice, prevention, and education for Parents about 
Youth and Gambling this page on their website: YOUTH & GAMBLING.


If they’re not drinking or using drugs, what’s the big deal?”

Gambling is not a safe alternative to alcohol or drug use for YOUTH. Many people think that poker among friends is totally safe if young people are not drinking or smoking. The truth is, while most people do not develop problems with gambling, more youth than ever are developing problems with gambling. Consequences of problem gambling include more than lost money.

Our youth are the first generation in our nation to experience the current acceptability and accessibility of gambling. Their mothers and grandmothers are taking trips to local casinos; families watch poker tournaments on TV as if they were a sporting event and schools regularly have casino nights as fundraisers or after proms and graduation. We owe it to our youth to teach them that gambling is not risk-free.

Large-scale prevalence studies and reviews all confirm the high prevalence rates of youth gambling. It is estimated that between 4% and 8% of adolescents presently exhibit a serious gambling problem with another 10% to 14% of adolescents at risk for developing or returning to a serious gambling problem (Shaffer & Hall, Meta Analysis, 1996, Journal of Gambling Studies, 12, 193-214)

Gambling risk behavior is consistently associated with other risky behavior such as drug use, juvenile delinquency, and family problems:

Arizona Youth Gambling Profile Report – 2008

Arizona Criminal Justice Commission Youth Gambling Fact Sheet

Nebraska Risk and Protective Factor Study – 2003

  • Of the students who gamble, the most common age of initiation is 10 or younger
  • Males are more than twice as likely as females to have gambled in the past year
  • Males are three times more likely to respond to two or more “problem gambling” questions than females
  • Gambling involvement is positively correlated with substance abuse and all other risk factors for substance use

Teen problem gamblers have higher rates of:

Crime (theft, robbery, embezzlement)

  • School problems (e.g., lower grades, truancy, behavior issues)
  • Family problems (e.g., withdrawal, behavior issues)
  • Peer relationship problems
  • Legal and money troubles
  • Depression; suicidal thoughts and attempts
  • Dissociative, “escape” behaviors
  • Risk for co-occurring addiction(s) including alcohol and substance abuse

Source: Gupta and Derevensky, eGambling Youth Gambling: A Clinical and Research Perspective


For Adults and Families? They can help both individuals and families with treatment options paid for the State of Arizona. So Arizonians now have help and options to get treatment for Gambling Addiction or Problem Gambling. If you or a loved one needs help today? Please call or email below:

JAY HERYCYK

Treatment Administrator
602-255-3888

 

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PROBLEM GAMBLING WARNING SIGNS:
Ask Yourself These Questions?

  • Have you ever felt the need to bet more and more money?
  • Have you ever lied to people important to you about how much you gambled?
  • Have you repeated unsuccessful efforts to control, cut back or stop gambling?
  • Do you gamble as a way of escaping emotional or physical pain?
  • Have you ever relied on others to provide money to relieve a desperate financial situation caused by gambling?
  • Have you ever jeopardized or lost a significant relationship, job or career opportunity because of gambling?
  • Have you gambled to get money with which to pay debts or to solve other financial problems?
  • Have you borrowed money to finance your gambling?
  • Has gambling ever made your home life unhappy?
  • Do you gamble to try to get your money back?

 

The Four Phases of Escape Gambling

Problem gambling is thought to be a progressive disorder, traveling through four phases. Although this describes the four phases of what is commonly called the “Escape” gambler, anyone experiencing problems in life due to gambling will probably be able to identify with this progression.

Gamblers Anonymous 20 Questions

If someone answers “yes” to seven or more of these questions, Gamblers Anonymous suggests it is an indication of a serious problem.

DSM-5 Diagonostic Criteria: Gambling Disorder


A score of five or more is categorized as pathological gambling, but a score of three or four could indicate a serious concern for the problems gambling is creating in one’s
life.
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So don’t gamble with your life like I did! Please visit The Office of Arizona Problem Gambling Division and get help now!  The State of Arizona! 

 

Online Resources for Addiction Recovery~By Ian M.

Online Resources for Addiction Recovery~By Ian M.

Written By Ian M.

If you, or a loved one, are struggling with addiction recovery, it can sometimes feel like you are on your own. Addiction is already extremely challenging, but it gets much worse when addicts are isolated. In order to heal, you need to have a network of people who care about you and are invested in your recovery and lasting success. You need people to help you find treatment and stick with the regimen when things become difficult.

On top of all of this, the reality of relapse is also common. In order to deal with relapse in a healthy and productive way, it is best to be involved with others who understand the challenges of recovery and how to navigate relapses. In the end, people with a strong support system are far more likely to be successful in their recovery journey than people without that kind of support.


Thankfully, you are not alone. There are people who currently share your struggles and others who have successfully recovered from their addictions. These people can share wisdom and experience with you. There are also caring professionals who have made it their profession to help people recover from addiction. They have studied for years to prepare them for situations just like yours. These people are ready and willing to be the support that you need. All you need to do is find them.


Fortunately–with the internet–you can find help fairly quickly. There are numerous websites, often from nonprofit groups, that are dedicated to dispersing helpful information about addiction and recovery. Try to do some research and find programs, treatment centers, or physicians that you believe could help you. Not all treatment centers are the same, so you’ll want to spend time looking into their approach and determining which one is best for you.

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On many websites, you may find helpful information about addiction and the challenges that you will need to face. Other websites provide detailed information about where you can find support groups near you. You might even have several resources available to you in your home town that you never knew about. This article has a few of the most well-known addiction recovery sites where you can search various facilities. However, it’s important to note that many of these listings are paid, so it’s up to you to really research and see which one is best for you. Don’t rely on just trusting the one with the most resources to advertise.


The point is this, you can recover. You can get your life back together, and you can heal. It won’t be easy, and it will require time, patience, and a good measure of help from others. Remember, nothing worthwhile is easy, and sculpting out a new life for yourself is beyond worthwhile, it is critical. The first step is recognizing you have a problem. If you’re here, you’ve already done that. Take a look at some of the resources available to you online and start your path to recovery.

Alcoholics Anonymous

AA is a large organization with a proven track record of helping people with their addictions. They utilize they’re now famous, 12 step system to recover. AA will help you achieve your goals to be sober, but will also help you tend to your relationships and yourself. On the homepage of their website, they have a tool to help you find AA groups nearby where you live. Getting into a group full of people who share your struggle is crucial for success on your road to recovery. Take note that there are many variations of AA for people facing addictions besides alcoholism, as well.

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Sex Addicts Anonymous

This is another organization, similar to Alcoholics Anonymous, that specializes in bringing people with similar struggles together for mutual support and strength. Their website also helps you find meetings nearby so that you can get the help you need. There are even options for joining meetings online. As the name implies, these meetings are confidential and you can be open with your peers.

Recovery.org

This website is another tool that you can use to get assistance with your addiction. The website includes valuable resources on topics such as withdrawals, where to find meetings, information on rehabilitation centers, and more. You will need as much information as possible in your fight against addiction. Knowledge and understanding lead to empowerment and planning, which can both lead to recovery. There is even information intended for the families of addicts. These resources are meant to inform and instruct family members of addicts and give them the tools necessary to bring their loved one to recovery.


Doesn’t matter what path you chose to start your recovery journey, sometimes many need more than one. But as long as you chose recovery, YOU can reclaim your life back from addiction… Ian