“I Don’t Understand Why Some People Hate”….Is It Them Or Is It Just Stigma?

Hello And Welcome Recovery Friends & New Visitors,

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Tamra Judge's photo.
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So I guess I just don’t get it? I happen to get an email from an anonymous person that simple read, “why would you waste your money on gambling in the first place? you made that choice, not society”….

OK,  Yes I did happen to make some poor choices in life, who doesn’t? And yes I did use gambling addiction for many reason’s, but it wasn’t like I woke one day and said to myself, “Gee, I think I will become a ‘Compulsive Addicted Gambler’, and destroy my life, waste money, and let gambling almost cost me my life, TWICE. Everyone is entitled to one’s opinion, but to be rude like that is not cool! To me, I smelled two things with that email, one ignorance, and two, STIGMA.
Why do people have to be mean, or just plain rude to get their point across?
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Most of us in recovery have come across a time or two where life, and something in our PAST comes back to bite us in the ASS, but for a person, another human being, take the time to send me a hateful email  just to make them feel better, because they haven’t a clue or understanding about any ADDICTION? it’s kind of ignorant of them. We know that STIGMA still exists, and most of the time I just chalk it up to the path I happened to go down, and that’s no one else’s fault but mine, and mine alone. I have taken the ‘Responsibility & Accountability’ for all did wrong while I was deep within my addictions with gambling and alcohol. What I don’t understand is the HATE others believe necessary to hurt others with words.
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It’s just another form of bullying someone. Do I hate this person back? Hell No, I learned a long time ago in my treatment, and in recovery that others ‘HATE’ really has nothing to do with me personally. So that’s on them. But when we talk about people not being kind to others, I know it opens a bunch of other can of worms. Let’s look at the definitions of both “Hate & Stigma” to see if there is anything similar between them,…and NO, I have not Googled the words before this blog post….LOL!
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“THE WORD HATE”

verb
verb: hate; 3rd person present: hates; past tense: hated; past participle: hated; gerund or present participle: hating
  1. 1.
    feel intense or passionate dislike for (someone).
    “the boys hate each other”
    synonyms: loathe, detest, despise, dislike, abhor, execrate; More

    be repelled by, be unable to bear/stand, find intolerable, recoil from, shrink from;
    formalabominate
    “they hate each other”
    antonyms: love
  2. used politely to express one’s regret or embarrassment at doing something.
    “I hate to bother you”
    synonyms: be sorry, be reluctant, be loath, be unwilling, be disinclined; More

    “I hate to bother you”
  3. “he hates flying”
noun
noun: hate
  1. 1.
    intense or passionate dislike.denoting hostile actions motivated by intense dislike or prejudice.

    modifier noun: hate
    “a hate campaign”

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“NOW THE WORD STIGMA”

noun
noun: stigma; plural noun: stigmata; plural noun: stigmas
  1. 1.
    a mark of disgrace associated with a particular circumstance, quality, or person.
    “the stigma of mental disorder”

    synonyms: shame, disgrace, dishonor, ignominy, opprobrium, humiliation, (bad) reputation More

    “the stigma of bankruptcy”
    antonyms: honor, credit
  2. (in Christian tradition) marks corresponding to those left on Jesus’ body by the Crucifixion, said to have been impressed by divine favor on the bodies of St. Francis of Assisi and others.
  3. 3.
    Medicine
    a visible sign or characteristic of a disease.
    • a mark or spot on the skin.

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OK,….. so there you go. The definition of both words.
Can we see anything similar to one another? Well either way, many of the meanings of each description of words used in the definitions of both are pretty similar like, Shame Disgrace, Dislike, Dishonor, and Regret…

It really hurts me that in today’s world, knowing what we know about many issues that surround many people with Stigma, like those of us in Recovery, Suffer Mental Illness, and those who endured Childhood Trauma & Abuse, that more people would have some understanding, or a little empathy. We are still human beings just like everyone else. Like these people think that it’s OK to tear others down when they feel or think we are not ‘Normal’ like them.
Well, sorry to burst their bubbles, but you’re not any more normal than we are if you keep feeding the need to hurt others just for the fun of it.
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Am I more sensitive than others due to my past pain & hurt? Maybe, but I think we all have a pretty good idea that there are still people in this world who go out of their way just to be racist, bigots, hurtful, mean, bully others, spew hate, and so on.
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I don’t know about you, but I don’t have room in my life for such people. To me, when others are like this I think to myself, “man, someone must have hurt them, or they are holding in some pain or trauma that happened to them, and the only way for them to cope in the world is to lash out at others.”  That just seems like a big load to carry around all your life don’t you all think?
I remember when I was a little like them myself. Most came from the pain and rage I had going on inside myself within my addiction. And again, THAT was on me. I have made most all my amends to those I hurt.
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Many don’t understand how shame, guilt, and not loving yourself can make a heart go black & cold. That’s what addiction does to you. Many who have not been touched by any addiction may not know about the ‘major mood swings’ that come along with addiction.
No excuses, just insights. And No, I’m not trying to judge ‘other people who ‘hate’ on others, as I have had enough hate thrown my way to know when it maybe an underlying problem for someone, or being done to someone for all the Wrong Reasons. I think my point is proven by all the needless ‘SUICIDES’ these past years of our teens taking their lives due to being bullied to death! It’s got to stop!
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Even many of the school shootings have been because someone may not be mentally stable, being bullied to the point of wanting to HURT BACK! No, it’s not how to fix the bullying problem, but a person, or  a teen can only endure so much bullying and hate to where they may just snap!  I think I see myself just a wee bit ahead of them, as At least I had the mental ‘Light-Bulb’ go above my head to tell me I needed to reach out and get my load I was carrying, a lot less heavy!….. “Awe The Good Life In Recovery.”
Well that’s my Ramblings for Today all….LOL.

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Happiness & Blessings To You All,
Catherine Townsend-Lyon
Author Of “Addicted To Dimes”
http://www.amazon.com/dp/0984478485

 

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9 thoughts on ““I Don’t Understand Why Some People Hate”….Is It Them Or Is It Just Stigma?

  1. “Hurt people hurt people”. It’s very telling that the writer wrote his/her name as “Anonymous” because he/she has something to hide as well. He/she was judging you but didn’t want to be judged back. Ha.

    You are strong and beautiful because you admit your addiction, you admit your weaknesses and past hurts in life that led to your addiction in a public forum. Only a strong person can put herself out there such as you have.

    I think the Anonymous writer was being mean and throwing blame at you because he/she keeps deep secrets himself/herself that will never be revealed.

    Remember: you identified your problem; you admitted it; and you changed. Not too many people in this world can do that because of the fear of being judged.

    You are to be admired. Pat yourself on the back and give yourself a big hug….from me to you!

    Like

    • Thanks E M,
      And for your kind words. First thing I learned in recovery was don’t take things personal, and we have no control over People, Places, and Things.
      And Yes, they must have been having a bad day……LOL. Hugs & Blessings! Catherine 🙂

      Like

  2. How odd, I am of the opinion that society does encourage gambling, the TV adverts we allow, the gambling machines, we encourage everything you can get addicted to…society is at fault and as such needs to take a look at itself collectively as well as supporting people who become addicted through that.

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    • Thanks always for your thoughts Steve.
      The US States Lotteries and much of the gaming industry that run Casinos feels, that if they contribute $$$$ for treatment of those who become addicted? Then they are off the HOOK for accountability.

      I don’t see it that way. I’ve said this many times before here on my blog, that I have no ill will towards those who can gamble normally, for the fun and entertainment value of gambling, BUT….when you have a huge boom of expansion of gambling establishments, not counting all the other sports & horse betting, building more Casinos, Indian Casinos approved on their land, and State Lottery expanding with video poker & now slot style video machines, when do we say enough is enough?

      I think more expanding and expansion, it should include THEM being held more accountable for those who become addicted. It’s all about $$$ & profits for everyone, and ignore those who have become addicted to push that back on the afflicted person who now has NOTHING…..

      That’s my 2 cents worth, Now I’m Broke!….LOL.

      Like

  3. It is unfortunate that someone took the time to write that. If parents would stop hitting their children, using aggression and force upon innocent young and harmless children we will never see bullying come to an end. I have seen a parent hit their child saying “don’t hit your sister!” That tells the child “if you want to change your sisters behavior, do it by hitting. Because that is what I just did to you”. It is so sad.
    You are right. It is complete ignorance and the inability to think. Two things a child must learn from their surroundings. Keep up the great work!

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    • Your so right Dustin. And some of the abuse & trauma I endured was also ‘parental discipline abuse’…
      I have forgiven my parents, as they were raised in different times then we were, and my mom’s Italian father was very
      physical when he hit her and her siblings. So,”parents do what they seen and endured.” They didn’t know better. But in todays
      society, and the technology and resources that are available, parents of today should know better. WE set the example for the next generation of raising children. I appreciate your kind words. 🙂 Catherine

      Like

      • Thanks so much for your insightful thoughts Dustin….When you do find those non aggressive principles, will you send some my way?…LOL. I agree with you, so it’s not corny at all to have an open mind & heart for our societies flaws. I know we are not perfect as a people, and we all are a work in progress like myself. But I could not imagine myself being hell bent to be rude to someone else with intentions of malice just for the fun it. So I guess I can understand why our youth who get bullied in school and on the internet flirt with, and take their own lives because of bullying, verbal words do hurt more at times then a physical beating.

        I just wish more people knew that…..Thanks for visiting 🙂
        **THIS BLOG IS A BULLYING FREE AONE**!!…..LOL 🙂 Catherine

        Like

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