At The End Of My Last Dime!

Daily Prompt: Sink or Swim

Tell us about a time when you were left on your own, to fend for yourself in an overwhelming situation — on the job, at home, at school. What was the outcome?…..

*A TALE OF TWO WOMEN*~~ *ONE SANK, ONE COULD SWIM*

 

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Once upon a time, there was a woman who was GOOD, than somehow turned into a woman gone very, very BAD. She used to gamble for fun and entertainment until one day, her not knowing, started using gambling as a BAD WAY to cope with old pains and hurt from her past.

From past childhood trauma and abuse, so much verbal abuse, which helped drive here to sink. She sank so far into the slow progressive, cunning disease of “Compulsive Gambling,” that after years of lies, blame, shame, denial, wasted time, and money, she found herself at the end of her rope!

She found herself so far gone, she was found on her knees begging GOD to just let her die. With a mind of pure blackness, numb, and filled with fear, she wanted to DIE….

It seemed the bright lights, bells and whistles of those slot machines had this woman so smitten with winning, so hypnotized that she thought she could WIN every time she played. Then one day, she found herself sitting behind a slot machine for over 9 hours. SHE had won over $3,600, but sadly she was held “Hostage”until every last “Dime”was gambled away. She learned it is called, having LOSS of CONTROL.
She could not pry herself away from this “Evil Friend”called a slot machine. NO matter how hard she tried, she seemed held to this spot for the rest of her lifetime.

That is how she was feeling at times. Not knowing when she crossed that “Fine Line” from just gambling for fun, into the “Dark”world of Addicted Gambling. Until one day this woman found herself  in a cold hospital room, where her wrists had open wounds, stitched, bandaged, hurting, and blacking out, waking up in a “Mental/Addictions” Crisis Center all alone.

..

All this was happening because she lost herself somehow into this thing called, “Compulsive Addicted Gambling”…….

When she finally woke up, she found herself on “Mental Hold and on “Suicide”watch, via the hospital. After a few days passed, a woman came to ask her question after question, that it gave her a headache. It had been years since she actually had to “THINK or FEEL” anything at all. She had learned how to zone out, and become numb when she had a disappointment, traumatic event, or when things in life where just to damn hard to cope with!

Not excuses, just insight into the brain & one’s thinking, and choices become skewed. YOU
see, she was supposed to be at the funeral of her best friend that day. That day, she found it to hard to cope with that loss, and had just lost her own mother, and her husband’s nephew too!

After spending the next 2 weeks in treatment, gamblers anonymous meetings, and intense therapy, she found herself released, at home, and in the arms of a”loving husband”who stood by her through it all, as did her GOD.


Today?…….

Today she is a very blessed woman. This woman had been to “HELL & BACK”and pushed herself on days she wanted to just give up, or just stay in bed forever. Slowly the days turned into weeks, weeks to months, and months into years of Recovery. Through therapy, she found that the abuse, sexual & verbal as a little girl was NOT her fault! She also learned many “Skills & Tools”to use to COPE with just about anything LIFE would throw her way!

Yes, today she is a woman of  HOPE, STRENGTH, and PURPOSE. She is on a lifetime mission to help others who may suffer from this cunning addiction of “Compulsive Gambling.” She Advocates to make sure NOT one more person have thoughts of “SUICIDE” as an Only “OPTION” to stop gambling. She helps shatter the *Stigma*around people in recovery from any addiction, and those who suffer from any type of mental & emotional illness and disorders too!

In just 7 short years in recovery, she has written, and published her “Story”
of  her life with, addiction, childhood abuse, dark family secrets, recovery, and so much more. She is sponsoring others in Recovery!
Today she is a Writer, Author, and Recovery Blogger. During her recovery, she found she also was suffering from mental illness and emotional disorders, but that doesn’t slow her down. She proves that no matter how far one can “SINK” into this thing called “LIFE,” Never Give Up! She truly “SWAM” her way back to “LIFE”! Now she shares with others all the “Lessons Learned”along her journey…..

“Hello, my name is Catherine, and I AM a recovering addicted compulsive gambler”………*ONE DAY AT A TIME*

“I Live My LIFE in Recovery, But My *PASSION* is Writing”

 

GOD BLESS,
Author Catherine Townsend-Lyon
https://catherinelyonaddictedtodimes.wordpress.com

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11 thoughts on “At The End Of My Last Dime!

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